You can't complain about healthcare reform if you're not willing to reform your own health.
You know, I'm glad all those 'teabaggers' marched on Washington last week, because, judging from the photos, it's the first exercise they've gotten in years. Not counting, of course, all the Rascal scooters there, most of which aren't even for the disabled. They're just Americans who turned 60 and said, "Aw, f*ck it, I'm done walking."
These people are furious at the high cost of healthcare so they blame illegals who don't even get healthcare. Newsflash, Glenn Beck fans: the reason healthcare is so expensive is because you're so unhealthy.
Okay, now -- and not just Glenn Beck fans -- but, it was fun this week to watch the 'teabaggers' complain how the media underestimated the size of their march. "How can you say there are only 60,000 of us? We filled the entire mall!" Yes, because you're fat. One whale fills the tank at SeaWorld. That doesn't make it a crowd.
Now, President Obama has identified most of the problems with the healthcare system, but there's one tiny issue he refuses to tackle. And that's our actual health. And since Americans can only be prodded into doing something with money, we need to tax crappy foods that make us sick -- like we do with cigarettes, and like we do with alcohol. And alcohol actually serves a useful function in society, in that it enables unattractive people to get laid, which is certainly more than I can say for Skittles.
Now, I'm not saying we tax all soda, but certainly any single serving of soda larger than a baby. If you don't know whether you burp it or it burps you, that's too big.
We need to make taking care of ourselves an issue of patriotism. And if you are someone who condemned Bush for not asking Americans to sacrifice for the war on terror, sorry, but the same must be said for Obama and healthcare.
The president has already made it clear, there'll be no "sin tax" on food on his watch. And at a time when it's important to set new standards for personal responsibility, he appointed a surgeon general who is -- I'm sorry -- fat. Certainly too heavy to be a surgeon general. You know, it's a role model thing. It would be like appointing a Secretary of the Treasury who didn't pay his taxes. Oh, he did? He did. My bad.
And get this: our new surgeon general, Regina Benjamin, had previously been a nutritional advisor to Burger King. Which sells something called an "Angry Whopper Triple" that has 1,300 calories and 91 grams of fat. The only advice a health expert should give Burger King is to stop selling food.
The nutritional advisor job was described as-- get this -- "promoting balanced diets and active lifestyle choices." And who better to do that than the folks who hand you meat and corn syrup through a car window?
You know, when you have a surgeon general who comes from Burger King, it's a message to lobbyists. And that message is: "Have it your way."
