A return to civility

I have now identified one of the BIGGEST problems in this country. Solving it would be relatively simple and have amazing repercussions that would make EVERYONE'S life better in innumerable ways! Airline travel would be more enjoyable, there would be fewer lawsuits, race relations would improve, there would be fewer traffic accidents, you would save & earn more money, other countries would view Americans more favorably, and life in general would be a more pleasant experience. Have you guessed what it is yet?

MANNERS! Before you laugh and dismiss this idea, think of how much easier your day yesterday would have been if even one rude person had instead been nice and polite to you.

I had this epiphany one night at a poker game (quick manners tip, anytime you start with "I don't mean to be an arsehole, but...." you are not only being one, it is about something stupid). Bars are excellent places to see instant repercussions for polite vs. rude behavior. I will get better service by smiling, being patient, and saying please and thank you then the rude guy waving the $20 bill. I also get discounts, reserved seats, free food & drinks, and my requests played by the band. As I sat there watching my own personal reality show (great reception, always on, no commercials, and better then anything scripted), I began to think of all the problems good manners would solve.

So often people feel they need to be rude to get what they want (statistically, the best way is to remain calm & polite, but insistent) and forget how much a little thing can matter. "Please" really is "the magic word", a smile is contagious, and a simple "thank you" or greeting can improve someone's day. A fun experiment is to walk by a line of people and smile at them - you can actually see the change in mood occur.

Now I'm sure you are thinking this sounds like a good idea, but there is no way it could have the major effects I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Here's a couple examples:

Airline travel - planes have become the Greyhounds of the sky, a far cry from when women in white gloves and men in dapper suits made travel glamorous. Flight attendants are overworked and deal w/ cranky & rude people all day (they are really there for your safety and just serve beverages in their down time), kids are kicking your seat and screaming the entire flight, and everyone is busy w/ their cell phone, ipod, or laptop. Overbooked and canceled flights and lost luggage just add to the fun. It is amazing how much of a difference a happy and polite employee, seatmate, or fellow passenger can make. Everyone is so focused on going from Point A to Point B that they miss everything in between. My father comments that he never sees anyone smiling in an airport.

Making a funny face or smiling at a fussy or upset kid will not only improve your flight, but everyone's on the plane. Patiently waiting a minute or two for someone to sit or rise while holding a sleeping kid can mean the difference between a quiet flight and an eardrum assault. I once got upgraded to first class by a fellow PASSENGER because I was willing to switch seats so their tired daughter had room to sleep. Flight attendants have specially made a pot of decaf coffee for me because I didn't want to be a bother when it wasn't an option, they have opened up "already departing" flights for me, and a deadheading pilot talked to the gate agent on an overbooked flight to make sure I got a seat just because I made conversation while politely waiting. Baggage handlers have given me "private numbers" so I can call directly to check on luggage instead of using the automated system, strangers have saved me a seat on hotel shuttles while the pushy person had to wait, and you never saw a happier delayed holiday flight than the one where they did the entire preflight safety lecture based on "twas the night before xmas".

Lawsuits - Only a total arsehole sues someone who is nice and apologetic, so the jury, karma and court of public opinion will take care of them. Think of how often disagreements escalate because someone is rude. Nothing diffuses anger like an apology and politeness. Lawsuits cost everyone money, regardless of who wins.

Ethnic/Race relations - as soon as you smile and say hello, you break down barriers and build bridges. During WWII, they had to move soldiers from the front lines because after playing football during a ceasefire they wouldn't shoot each other. One of the few intelligent statements I have heard about war is that "it will stop when the two sides realize they love their children more than they hate each other". Focus on the positive instead of the negative and only take offense when people MEAN to be offensive.

Traffic Accidents - be patient and follow the rules of the road and there will be no road rage, no fighting over spaces, peaceful merging........

$$$$ - I call them smile discounts - every person who sells you something has the power to save you money. Almost every store or restaurant has discretionary discounts or freebies they don't advertise. From standard % discounts to free samples of products to coupons, these add up! Happy customers & shoppers not only spend more money, they leave bigger tips and give you repeat business. Polite unsatisfied customers receive upgrades, freebies to apologize for the trouble, returns or exchanges on items that are supposedly nonrefundable or returnable, you name it.

International relations - You would be amazed what you miss when you don't learn the language and are an "ugly rude american". The guy at the front desk usually has a relative w/ a great restaurant or a store where you'll get a discount, there are usually available rooms if you are polite, but unhappy about your accomodations, and just learning "hello, thank you, please, I'm sorry" in a foreign language, combined with a smile will get you further than rude fluency. Think of how annoyed you would be if someone came to your home and expected you to speak their language fluently. Now imagine they tried to learn several phrases so they could greet you in your own language.

This isn't a new idea, but it sure is a good one. I suggest a return to civility........and thank you for your time and attention 😀.