Invasion of privacy?

There's no reading of journals or opening sealed letters. But he carelessly tosses notes everywhere, or in pants pockets from the laundry. And I've read most of them lately. (There are lots & LOTS of notes floating around our house.) The notes are always sugary sweet love notes, silly dialogue, hearts, etc. Surprisingly, no profanity or vulgar language. But when I noticed they've been too close lately, that's when I started taking this more seriously.

But you raise another thought provoking circumstance: How would monitoring their computer be any different? Some could say that this is an invasion of privacy as well. I mean, you can go thru the history and see what hits have been made. (yes, I've been there too; hits on topics that reinforce my worry).

Certainly, the most important issue here is to trust your child, hope you've taught them well, do the right thing and all that; let them live their consequences.

Anything left in pockets for laundry is fair game - my mother also claimed any $ in an effort to get us to clean our pockets.

I'm willing to bet that your son knows more about sex than you can imagine from movies, friends, etc but actually believes most of the quality myths that are the despair of health professionals and responsible for most unplanned pregnancies & STDs.

As far as your monitoring the internet being an invasion of your kid's privacy - who cares! Your job as a parent is to protect and love your child. The computer/internet is a magical place where your child can meet people from across the globe and where any photos or personal information (however innocuous they first seem) can lead a sex predator to them.

At least when your child meets someone at the mall, school, etc there are witnesses and the person's ability to lie is much more limited. On the internet your daughter has no idea if the guy she is talking to is the cute guy from the nearby school or a convicted sex predator decades older than her who is about to REALLY break the terms of his parole. There are a lot of evil and scary people out there and the internet makes it really easy for them to communicate and meet your kid!

Just so you don't think I am sensationalizing this, try this link:
http://offender.fdle.state.fl.us/offender/homepage.do

If you really want to scare yourself (and ruin your appetite for lunch), do a neighborhood search!

I'm willing to bet that your son knows more about sex than you can imagine from movies, friends, etc but actually believes most of the quality myths that are the despair of health professionals and responsible for most unplanned pregnancies & STDs.

As far as your monitoring the internet being an invasion of your kid's privacy - who cares! Your job as a parent is to protect and love your child. The computer/internet is a magical place where your child can meet people from across the globe and where any photos or personal information (however innocuous they first seem) can lead a sex predator to them.

At least when your child meets someone at the mall, school, etc there are witnesses and the person's ability to lie is much more limited. On the internet your daughter has no idea if the guy she is talking to is the cute guy from the nearby school or a convicted sex predator decades older than her who is about to REALLY break the terms of his parole. There are a lot of evil and scary people out there and the internet makes it really easy for them to communicate and meet your kid!

Just so you don't think I am sensationalizing this, try this link:
http://offender.fdle.state.fl.us/offender/homepage.do

If you really want to scare yourself (and ruin your appetite for lunch), do a neighborhood search!

Hopefully, parents already do a search regularly. If they don't then they choose to be naive. But there are loopholes in this as well. unfortunately.


And I'm positive my son knows much (too much?) about sex. I'm hoping (I know, never say never) he's not so stoopid to fall for the myths today, but sadly there are those teens that do. But all the more reason to discuss what I've found.

And I'm positive my son knows much (too much?) about sex. I'm hoping (I know, never say never) he's not so stoopid to fall for the myths today, but sadly there are those teens that do. But all the more reason to discuss what I've found.

There's knowing the jokes and there's knowing the practical aspects. Unfortunately it's not just teens who believe myths or are sloppy about birth control etc. I've got quite a few "surprise" cousins and have heard many of the myths stated as truth by adults.

This is a no brainer. Yes I would and so should you. Parents need to act like parents and take control to help guide your children. As long as they are under your roof, you need to be there. I would not open any sealed letters or open a diary, but I do read over there work and look @ all books/folders for any signs of something strange. They are your responsibility, help them make good choices. Be pro-active in their life!

you were a wild kid, no?

you were a wild kid, no?

I resemble that remark. (quiet unassuming good girl gone wild but I was too smart to leave evidence anywhere)

It's not just the "wild" kids parents should worry about - you wouldn't believe what the "good" kids are doing!!!

you were a wild kid, no?

I do exactly what The Window Guy does too. And the reason? My teen years - - I'm not so naive not to know what goes on. My son is a saint compared to what I've seen & witnessed in the past.

Have to agree with Miss Kitty, I seem to do that alot. She is a wise woman.

As a parent you truly at times just have to fly by the seat of your pants and pray for the best. I made mistakes, thankfully none that damaged my relationship with my daughter beyond repair. In hindsight which is always 20/20, it is very easy to say what we would do differently.

But the problem is at that particular time when you are making decisions you simply don't have that foresight to draw from. So you just take a deep breath and make a choice and hope for the best.

I did always try to make my daughter understand that my decisions were based on tough love and hoped when she was older she would understand why I did what I did. Luckily she does.

There is a great book called, "Will You Still Love Me?" for mother/daughter relationships, there are probably some similar for boys.

Also very possibly, there where will come a time where you get to be the forgiving one of them and it all evens out. And believe me if they go to college I can almost guarantee that opportunity will arise in some form.

Good luck and my prayers are with you.

It is the hardest job ever and does not come with an instruction manual.

I have my son's password to his myspace page. He knows that I can check it at anytime. I have no problem with this and he doesn't seem to mind. It's not that I feel the need to invade his privacy, it's that I want to keep him safe. I'm shocked at what some kids post on these pages, and quiet frankly if no adults are around to "police" it, those pages can get quickly out of hand. There is just too much garbage on the internet that is not age appropriate for teenagers. Just like I won't let him watch R rated movies, all that garbage must be weeded out. I have had to tell him that some of his friends would be blocked if they didn't clean up there langauge and the content of their pages. I have also told other parents that they might want to "check" their childs page if they haven't seen it in a while. Some parents get really mad, but I have to tell you the majority thanked me and were grateful that I cared enough to check.

They are all such in a hurry to grow up -- the sex and violence and bad language makes them feel mature, but I always tell mine -- you will be an adult before you are ready and if you won't fight to stay young and innocent, then I will fight for you.

Just my 2?

Thank you Minnie & ktschris.

I'm going to broach the subject this afternoon - we have a 2 hr. weekly round trip so this will be a perfect time for a talk. There are times he would flip out and cop an attitude and it's usually about homework, or too much playstation, or staying up 'til 3am on weekends, etc. But then there are the times when he listens. We've had some very similar talks in the past and it's time to re-visit them again. I just wanted to see if other parents have snooped. Deep down I knew I shouldn't and it IS an invasion of his privacy.

Now if it was Mr. JR, he'd rather not know and would never read a note - consequently he's not nearly as frazzled of being a parent! All of this would make him sick to his stomach.

It's all good! Thankfully. No worries. Whew. And he is aware that I will continue to read notes that I find carelessly lying around. We both remained mature throughout our "talk."


(now of course, some notes will be forever hidden when necessary. :shock

It's all good! Thankfully. No worries. Whew. And he is aware that I will continue to read notes that I find carelessly lying around. We both remained mature throughout our "talk."


(now of course, some notes will be forever hidden when necessary. :shock

Yea!!! Good job Mom!!!!

It's all good! Thankfully. No worries. Whew. And he is aware that I will continue to read notes that I find carelessly lying around. We both remained mature throughout our "talk."


(now of course, some notes will be forever hidden when necessary. :shock

I am glad that you discussed it with him..there is no substitute for COMMUNICATION!!!! An open and honest relationship with your child is KEY to a healthy and happy child!!!

I am glad that you discussed it with him..there is no substitute for COMMUNICATION!!!! An open and honest relationship with your child is KEY to a healthy and happy child!!!

love you. Thanks.

Glad to hear of a happy ending.

Glad to hear of a happy ending.

Glad to see you posting again.....

I am glad that you discussed it with him..there is no substitute for COMMUNICATION!!!! An open and honest relationship with your child is KEY to a healthy and happy child!!!

I wholeheartedly agree with this. It's just that good communication can only work if *both sides* are being open and honest.
I think what ktschris says, that children can be in such a hurry to grow up, is very true.
What Scooterbug says here:

It's not just the "wild" kids parents should worry about - you wouldn't believe what the "good" kids are doing!!!

...Should be plastered across every parent's forehead.
I thought I had a really good relationship with the older kid, especially in terms of communication.
Regardless, once those hormones kicked in, he was a different kid.
He would cheerfully lie to my face. He loved me and all, but he really did not like being told what to do. He'd say all the right things, then go off and do what he wanted.
We can laugh about it now. He is 24 years old and will soon hold a masters degree.
I was not all that amused back then.
However, as Minnie and Johnrudy say, we have to make decisions and trust our child, and we all live with the consequences. Looking back, I am not sure I would/could have changed anything I did.
Our "good" kid, the younger one over at FSU, who has never given us any trouble, well, I have no illusions. He's probably more like Ocean Lover and I, good kids gone wild who never leave evidence. ;-)
Good for you, Johnrudy. If you just keep doing what you are doing, all will be well.

The party that pays for the housing, the food, the utilities, the clothes, and the very paper said notes are written upon has the right to inspect anything at anytime in the house. What is so confusing?

I wholeheartedly agree with this. It's just that good communication can only work if *both sides* are being open and honest.
I think what ktschris says, that children can be in such a hurry to grow up, is very true.
What Scooterbug says here:

...Should be plastered across every parent's forehead.
I thought I had a really good relationship with the older kid, especially in terms of communication.
Regardless, once those hormones kicked in, he was a different kid.
He would cheerfully lie to my face. He loved me and all, but he really did not like being told what to do. He'd say all the right things, then go off and do what he wanted.
We can laugh about it now. He is 24 years old and will soon hold a masters degree.
I was not all that amused back then.
However, as Minnie and Johnrudy say, we have to make decisions and trust our child, and we all live with the consequences. Looking back, I am not sure I would/could have changed anything I did.
Our "good" kid, the younger one over at FSU, who has never given us any trouble, well, I have no illusions. He's probably more like Ocean Lover and I, good kids gone wild who never leave evidence. ;-)
Good for you, Johnrudy. If you just keep doing what you are doing, all will be well.

As always Cil, thanks for your thought provoking post. I feel blessed to be able to talk and share differing opinions with my son. Right before he went to bed last night, I reminded him that even tho he may think I never listen to him, I always hear what he says. I believe he knows he can come talk to me without fear of being judged. I might not always have the answers or a solution but if we talk about it, we might be able to figure it out together. That in itself is comforting.

The party that pays for the housing, the food, the utilities, the clothes, and the very paper said notes are written upon has the right to inspect anything at anytime in the house. What is so confusing?

It does seem like a no-brainer but for someone who has admittedly been a "tentative" parent (this is childhood thing with both deceased parents being poor role models), I'm still learning new things everyday about child rearing. When I began researching the subject online, I got extreme varying opinions from very reliable sources (popular parenting magazines, famous pediatricians, child psychologists). Childrearing can be overwhelming and confusing.

But it's all good for now. Tomorrow could be a different story.

I have both my hands raised on this....Kalie knows what's left around is open for discussion between the two of us. This has been our "pack" all through elementary, middle, and now high school. If my diary is sitting out I do not care one bit that she reads it. It allows her to know her mother inside and out. (Of course I wouldn't want my husband to read it)

This is not to say that I disagree with others who do not read. I love the respect that you give to your child. Whatever works..... No one should judge another of their actions, thoughts or opinions.

For some reason she has never been much of a note writer....or maybe she's pitching them before she gets home.

My mother read everything she could get her hands on and appraoched me on all of it. Each time I was so embarrassed, but one particular time she saved my A$$ and I was so grateful. I just wish she had told me from the beginning that she was going to read anything that came in with me from school.

What a grayt topic!​

My Kids Think, I am a Mind Reader... They always ask me how do you know that? I tell them, One day when you are a Mother you'll understand how to read minds too!

The party that pays for the housing, the food, the utilities, the clothes, and the very paper said notes are written upon has the right to inspect anything at anytime in the house. What is so confusing?

Do not bring back the Mercedes empty mit Lowenbrau bottles in the back seat and seed burns in the Sudentenland leather seats are you vil go to das cooler!

Bob, URNUTZ!!!:roll:

Bob, URNUTZ!!!:roll:

I am a product of the Fuhrer's bioengineering facilities in the occupied territories. My family and I are trained to be as disciplined as Dobermans. We are all closely shorn and only eat high protein, low fat foodstuffs. All potential boyfriends must submit to polygraphs, and all school notes are reviewed by the Minister of Information, Frau Wife.commer. I must put the Wagner CD on repeat now.....weidersehn

I am a product of the Fuhrer's bioengineering facilities in the occupied territories. My family and I are trained to be as disciplined as Dobermans. We are all closely shorn and only eat high protein, low fat foodstuffs. All potential boyfriends must submit to polygraphs, and all school notes are reviewed by the Minister of Information, Frau Wife.commer. I must put the Wagner CD on repeat now.....weidersehn

Getting into the Oktoberfest spirit, eh?