Forget Dear Abby, ask SGG for advice

You crack me up.


Dear SGG,

WHY does the chicken continue crossing the road?
Can we ever have world peace with all that clucking & crossing going on?
What can be done to end the madness?

Dune-AHH

Dear Dune-AHH

Chickens cross the road because they are stupid...don't worry about it.

All problems of the world can be solved and peace attained during a Fire Brunch, or just a visit to Sowal. Case in fact, we had a Sowal Soiree Summit last night. Puddin' Shots for Iran and Afganistan

Prozac for the middle eastern men and let the Iraqi women rule over there. Even though women over there are somewhat uneducated, they would do a much better job. Give the men razors...Jeez.

Next question.

Wow, you are waaaay better than Dear Abby, tell it sista!

You go, SG Girl!!!

Dear SGG,
I have been with this guy for almost ten years. We got engaged a couple years ago and now I find out that he has been dating another woman for several months, giving her jewelry, wining and dining her, etc.
In a moment of weakness I took him back, but have now reconsidered.
My question is this: what ammo and swamp do you recommend to permanently solve this problem?
Sincerely,
Finally Wising Up

Dear Finally Wising Up:

Call the woman with the jewelry, I would be willing to bet she would have some creative and entertaining suggestions. Torture, humiliation on Sowal.com, then 50 caliber ammo should be sufficient to obliterate all pieces and parts, so a swamp would not be necessary.

Dear SSG

I have this friend who was looking forward to a future bromance. Upon meeting the potential bromanceee it was discovered that he was a she. My friend already has a wonderful she and he is so confused. What is a jilted guy to to.

sleepless in SoWal

Dear SGG,

Need your take on things. What would you say a good age is for the first marriage between two people? What is a good age to begin a family?

I know young people are putting this off, and just shacking up, thanks to the pill, and compared to my grandparents time, couples are waiting longer. I need to know a modern timeline for these?

Dear SSG

I have this friend who was looking forward to a future bromance. Upon meeting the potential bromanceee it was discovered that he was a she. My friend already has a wonderful she and he is so confused. What is a jilted guy to to.

sleepless in SoWal

Dear Sleepless in Sowal:

You will continue to be confused because I am too....... If you can figure out if Shelly is a he or she, please let me know.

The sleepless thing I can help with. Go to the Red Bar for a few hours, best medicine in town!!

Dear SGG,

Need your take on things. What would you say a good age is for the first marriage between two people? What is a good age to begin a family?

I know young people are putting this off, and just shacking up, thanks to the pill, and compared to my grandparents time, couples are waiting longer. I need to know a modern timeline for these?

Remember you are in the deep south and if your future pa-in-law has a winchester up your butt, 14 is acceptable for the first marrieage and 16 for the second. Now as far as children are concerned, you don't have to start early and have one baby at a time, with modern technology, you can wait til you want (before the age of 50 recommended) and have a WHOLE litter at once!! ;-)

Dear SGG

Will I be a social outcast if I drink red wine with seafood?

What, exactly, distinguishes a soiree from a party?

Have you actually seen a coyote in Seagrove, other than the eatery?

Can I have a cookie now?

Remember you are in the deep south and if your future pa-in-law has a winchester up your butt, 14 is acceptable for the first marrieage and 16 for the second. Now as far as children are concerned, you don't have to start early and have one baby at a time, with modern technology, you can wait til you want (before the age of 50 recommended) and have a WHOLE litter at once!! ;-)

You are just funny! I love all of your answers!

Dear SSG

I have this friend who was looking forward to a future bromance. Upon meeting the potential bromanceee it was discovered that he was a she. My friend already has a wonderful she and he is so confused. What is a jilted guy to to.

sleepless in SoWal

I've read this one at least a half a dozen times and I am completely confused.

what a relief...I too am confused. Thought I was paying for all my virtue today...no caffiene until 5 p.m. What was I thinking????

Dear SGG

Who started the idea that caffiene is a bad thing? How badly can I hurt them without going to jail? How many guilty pleasures is too many? Since it comes from a bean, can't chocolate be considered a vegetable?
So sorry for monopolizing your time...it's been one of those days
I think the brownies are cool enough to eat so I must be off!

Dear SGG

Will I be a social outcast if I drink red wine with seafood?

What, exactly, distinguishes a soiree from a party?

Have you actually seen a coyote in Seagrove, other than the eatery?

Can I have a cookie now?

Dear Cookie Monster:

You can only be a social outcast if you are not drinking, so red is fine with seafood.

Soiree just sounds better and anyone can have, or be at a party (partae). Now, to be at a soiree, it just sounds so much more special, as in Sowal Soiree. Now that I think about it, Sowal Suwee sounds good too.

Yes, I have seen and heard Coyotes in Seagrove dead and alive. I've seen the man type alive and some man types should be dead. I've started a lsit.

Some Doctors and diet snobs would say NO COOKIE. But Doctors and skinny people die early and stupidly deprived, so I recommend a dose of cookie whenever you want one or ten. Have you ever noticed that skinny people and doctors are grumpy???

I've read this one at least a half a dozen times and I am completely confused.

Lynnie, it is all part of the Oct 09' Sowal Soiree Summit saga..........

A smart sowal newbie figured out, very quickly I might add, that nothing is as it seems, specially here.
It reminds me of the days when I was a young teen before MTV. A song on the radio conjured up your imagination of what that singer would look like. I had the biggest crush on the lead for the group Queen until I saw him on TV. It ruined the image.

TT's friend wanted to be a buddy with another guy on sowal, only when introduced to that particular sowaler did he realize it was a chick.

what a relief...I too am confused. Thought I was paying for all my virtue today...no caffiene until 5 p.m. What was I thinking????

Dear SGG

Who started the idea that caffiene is a bad thing? How badly can I hurt them without going to jail? How many guilty pleasures is too many? Since it comes from a bean, can't chocolate be considered a vegetable?
So sorry for monopolizing your time...it's been one of those days
I think the brownies are cool enough to eat so I must be off!

Dear Confused Too:

Caffiene is bad??? WTF? I bet a skinny person or doctor came up with that one...again, that is why they are grumpy and dead.

Honey it depends on who or what you are trying to hurt.

Never feel guilty! Just focus on the present.

Chocolate can be anything you want it to be, anywhere you want it to be. It is the perfect food. Aren't beans legumes??

Ok, glad to hear you have brownies, I was starting to get concerned that you were a doctor or skinny. I'll PM you my address, you can bring me some brownies.

It has been scientifically proven that both chocolate and red wine are good for you.

Next..............

It has been scientifically proven that both chocolate and red wine are good for you.

And we obviously are perfect examples of a scientifically healthful life..........

I will choose the scientist, because, sure as I am sitting here, a stupidly deprived one will most likely come along and grumpily tell us, as he is dying before our eyes, how unhealthy our habits are. :roll:

Funn Police=Unwelcome....huh, Kitlit????

Dear SGG,

I have this friend that has been put through the ringer from men... and she is a delightful, crazy, FUNN and intelligent person.. I have dreamed of a new career for her.. Would it be wrong of me to suggest this to her.. so she can have a delightful and entertaining.. future????

Wonderin in Nowal

Lynnie, it is all part of the Oct 09' Sowal Soiree Summit saga..........

A smart sowal newbie figured out, very quickly I might add, that nothing is as it seems, specially here.
It reminds me of the days when I was a young teen before MTV. A song on the radio conjured up your imagination of what that singer would look like. I had the biggest crush on the lead for the group Queen until I saw him on TV. It ruined the image.

TT's friend wanted to be a buddy with another guy on sowal, only when introduced to that particular sowaler did he realize it was a chick.

SGG, thank God Bobby Sue wasn't there. Everything would have gotten sideways then, it seems.

Funn Police=Unwelcome....huh, Kitlit????

Damm Skippy! We are all about the FUNN!

SGG, thank God Bobby Sue wasn't there. Everything would have gotten sideways then, it seems.

BobbySue was there!!!!!!!! Dressed as a man this time.

Damm Skippy! We are all about the FUNN!

Kitlit, Dear SGG is ready for some FUNN, what is the next plan????