Forget Dear Abby, ask SGG for advice

Dear SGG,

I have this friend that has been put through the ringer from men... and she is a delightful, crazy, FUNN and intelligent person.. I have dreamed of a new career for her.. Would it be wrong of me to suggest this to her.. so she can have a delightful and entertaining.. future????

Wonderin in Nowal

Dear Wonderin in Nowal:

^?!!%%$# MEN. It seems your crazy friend could use any diversion from men, so I am sure she would welcome any suggestions or advice. You dreamed of a career for your friend? This could be interesting.

BobbySue was there!!!!!!!! Dressed as a man this time.

Dangitall, can't believe I missed him/her. Was he the she the TT was looking for?

Nope....

Kitlit, Dear SGG is ready for some FUNN, what is the next plan????

Weren't we planning a Hen Partae for November up at the HO-tel? We need to get on it...

Weren't we planning a Hen Partae for November up at the HO-tel? We need to get on it...

Well, of course!! But I was thinking along the lines of FUNN tonight, like going out FUNN. My buddy called, so may go out with him for a while.

Kitlit, get D-Ma something to do. She's a loosing it!!!!! LOL. Hen Partae in Nov. sounds like fun, but I have quit drinking, smoking, chewing nicorette for 2 months which includes Nov. Maybe I need to send a letter to Dear SGG for a little help.

Dear SGG
If I have to shut 1 eye to drive, am I drunk?
If I have to pee on the side of the road, am I drunk?
If I fall down and can't get up, am I drunk?
If I laugh so hard I pee in my pants, am I drunk?
I really need advice ASAP. Of course, I asking this for Crazy's alter ego as I now have no VICES whatsoevar!!!!!
Your partner in crime.

Dear Partner in Crime:

Dear SGG
If I have to shut 1 eye to drive, am I drunk?

Aren't you the one that drives through Atlanta traffic with your eyes closed.

If I have to pee on the side of the road, am I drunk?

Absolutely not!!! You just have to pee, alot.

If I fall down and can't get up, am I drunk?

Usually, but not always. If you fall down and things fall on you, you are drunk.

If I laugh so hard I pee in my pants, am I drunk?

Again, usually, but not always.


I really need advice ASAP. Of course, I asking this for Crazy's alter ego as I now have no VICES whatsoevar!!!!!

You have been consulting with the near dead Doctors and Skinny people, and you are miserably deprived. What are you thinking???
As long as you still pee in your pants and still fall down your friends will still love you.

Your partner in crime.

Oh thank you so much.....you know I will always pee in my pants and fall down. And as Gladys says: I might drink a little.
Heres another:
Dear SGG aka Fruitcake Lady,
If my mechanic says my crank shaft is full of water and my rear end is dry, is he talking about my car? He wants to charge alot of $$$$.

Oh thank you so much.....you know I will always pee in my pants and fall down. And as Gladys says: I might drink a little.
Heres another:

Dear SGG aka Fruitcake Lady,
If my mechanic says my crank shaft is full of water and my rear end is dry, is he talking about my car? He wants to charge alot of $$$$.

Dear Partner in Crime:

:rofl: He sounds like the near dead doctors and the skinny people.

If your mechanic is NOT talking about your car, I have a cure for you; Sowal, Red Bar, Sowal, Red Bar, Sowal, Fire, Nowal, HoHouse, Sowal, Red Bar. Or you can just pull up a bar stool in SGG's kitchen.

If your mechanic IS talking about your car, you have been muddin' and not tellin'. Sounds like your crank shaft needs a dose of Sowal sand.

Oh thank you so much.....you know I will always pee in my pants and fall down. And as Gladys says: I might drink a little.
Heres another:
Dear SGG aka Fruitcake Lady,
If my mechanic says my crank shaft is full of water and my rear end is dry, is he talking about my car? He wants to charge alot of $$$$.

:funn:

Seagrovegirl, I do believe you have found your calling. HILARIOUS!!

Confused as always!

How old is too old to date a guy if gal is 34? Met a really nice guy He is 50. Should I just be friends! Have not actually went on date yet but I know it'coming. I think I need everyone's help on this one! When he asks and he will, if answer is don't go out with him how do you let him down easy?

How old is too old to date a guy if gal is 34? Met a really nice guy He is 50. Should I just be friends! Have not actually went on date yet but I know it'coming. I think I need everyone's help on this one! When he asks and he will, if answer is don't go out with him how do you let him down easy?

My parents were 25 years apart. They were in LUV! ;-)

Everyone is nervously awaiting her response because she is sooo funny!

How old is too old to date a guy if gal is 34? Met a really nice guy He is 50. Should I just be friends! Have not actually went on date yet but I know it'coming. I think I need everyone's help on this one! When he asks and he will, if answer is don't go out with him how do you let him down easy?

Dear Spring Chicken:

No man is ever too old, thank you Viagra. Keep in mind, most men are not nice and want many things, mainly one. So keep it friendly til you are ready for the next leap. Then leap quick while there is still some vigor left.

The teeth are important, what kind of shape are they in and are they his? There is nothing worse than waking up and find you are laying on some guys teeth. (A certain sowaler can attest to this) Does he dance like a dork, or is he pretty hip? Will he embarrass you in front of your friends?

How is his blood pressure and what medication does he take? Medication effects performance. If he is local I probably know him and can give you some scoop.

Dear Wonderin in Nowal:

^?!!%%$# MEN. It seems your crazy friend could use any diversion from men, so I am sure she would welcome any suggestions or advice. You dreamed of a career for your friend? This could be interesting.

Dear SGG... Yes I think that she would have a career in Stand up Comedy as she is so quick with the one-liners... WHAT do you think?

Wonderin in Nowal.....

Kitlit, get D-Ma something to do. She's a loosing it!!!!! LOL. Hen Partae in Nov. sounds like fun, but I have quit drinking, smoking, chewing nicorette for 2 months which includes Nov. Maybe I need to send a letter to Dear SGG for a little help.

You Know that I am There......

Well, of course!! But I was thinking along the lines of FUNN tonight, like going out FUNN. My buddy called, so may go out with him for a while.

Dear SGG and Kitlit... DO not forget meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Next!!!

Dear SGG... Yes I think that she would have a career in Stand up Comedy as she is so quick with the one-liners... WHAT do you think?

Wonderin in Nowal.....

Dear SGG...
just maybe she has found "her calling" giving advice....

My brand of advice..................................NEXT

Remember you are in the deep south and if your future pa-in-law has a winchester up your butt, 14 is acceptable for the first marrieage and 16 for the second. Now as far as children are concerned, you don't have to start early and have one baby at a time, with modern technology, you can wait til you want (before the age of 50 recommended) and have a WHOLE litter at once!! ;-)

Dear SGG.

Thanks so much for your advice on my caffiene and chocolate issues...I felt much better after your wise words.
This morning something new appeared. I looked in the mirror and once again my mom (God rest her soul) appeared. Not only was mom in the mirror where I should be, now her double chin was there too! Not only was mom and her double chin in the mirror, I noticed the double chin seemed to hang left...flabbier on the left than on the right. So now what...how can I get mom out of the mirror and back to heaven, what can I do about the double chin and why does is go left?
I am perplexed and bummed...thanks for listening

Dear SGG.

Thanks so much for your advice on my caffiene and chocolate issues...I felt much better after your wise words.
This morning something new appeared. I looked in the mirror and once again my mom (God rest her soul) appeared. Not only was mom in the mirror where I should be, now her double chin was there too! Not only was mom and her double chin in the mirror, I noticed the double chin seemed to hang left...flabbier on the left than on the right. So now what...how can I get mom out of the mirror and back to heaven, what can I do about the double chin and why does is go left?
I am perplexed and bummed...thanks for listening

Dear Perplexed and Bummed:

Ditch the mirror.