Just a Funny

Sean Spicer Facts

If at first you don't succeed.....call the plumber!

The 120 Most Insulting Donald Trump Jokes

Some were jokes, others prophecies.

AMA DECISION

The American Medical Association has weighed in on health care:

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but
the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but
the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while
the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while
the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while
the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and
the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say "No."
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

Dear Husband,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don’t tell me you love me anymore,
you don’t touch me or anything. Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the case is, I’m gone.

P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life! Your EX- Wife

***********************************************************

Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more that receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a man!” My mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyers said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that’s not a problem.

Signed,
Rich As Hell And Free!

good afternoon ladies

View attachment 64654

Eurythmics... Nice.

MISCOMMUNICATION

A lesson to be learned from typing a wrong email address!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. The husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife to fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and, without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Baptist minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife Subject: I’ve Arrived - I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!! Your Husband.

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India ..

The Personnel Manager said,
'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green ...'

Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green,
And I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at the Telkom-Clear call centre.

No doubt you have spoken to this gentleman?

Bet You Didn't Know This!


On July 8, 1947, 70 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico .

This well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?

I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.

It did for me.

No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens

Southern Girl wants a Divorce

A judge was interviewing a Georgia woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents."
The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don't have a car."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music - all that hip hop and rap trap -but we can't seem to do anything about it."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee."
The judge asked, "Is your husband a nagger?"
"Oh, hell no, he's as white as you and me!"
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can't communicate with me."