Just a Funny
- Thread starter Misty
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APHORISMS
* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
* The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
* Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
* Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
* Two wrongs are only the beginning.
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
* Change is inevitable.... except from vending machines.
* Don't sweat petty things.... or pet sweaty things.
* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
* The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
* Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
* Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
* Two wrongs are only the beginning.
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
* Change is inevitable.... except from vending machines.
* Don't sweat petty things.... or pet sweaty things.
* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Finally!...something sensible instead of political drivel. Thanks, I needed that!
Agreed, The political crap pretty much trashed the intent of this thread!
NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
I can't guarantee that these products have been tested and approved by the FDA yet!
D A M N I T O L - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N - Suppository that eliminates melancholy
and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A -Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N -Relieves headache caused by a man who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E T - When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself
I can't guarantee that these products have been tested and approved by the FDA yet!
D A M N I T O L - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N - Suppository that eliminates melancholy
and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A -Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N -Relieves headache caused by a man who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E T - When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself