Just a Funny

[ottomatik]

Men also have Memories.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring out the window.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his hot cocoa.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his cocoa, "It's the 20th anniversary of the day we met".

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15", he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do", she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember", said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'"

"I remember that, too", she replied softly.

The husband wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

 

[carson]

 

[Lake View Too]

 

[ottomatik]

Four Great Religious Truths:

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four basic religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

 

[Lake View Too]

 

[Kaydence]

I was driving by the bar today and was shocked to see my best friend's car in the parking and I stopped to see why he didn't invite me his best pal. I go in and see him on his fourth drink. So I asked him what's going on and he said, my wife ran off with my best friend last night! I said wait a minute, I thought I was your best friend. He ordered another drink, looked at me and said..... not anymore, he is!

 

[ottomatik]

THE WALL

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus: Should the U.S. build Trump’s Mexican Wall?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves

The Gastroenterologist’s had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought Trump had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington!

 

[Jimmy T]

 

[Kaydence]

 

[ottomatik]

After 40 years of marriage, a husband and wife went for counseling. The wife went into a tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on, she went: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.


Finally, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her, long and passionately, as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up, and quietly sat down as though in a daze.


The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"


"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing!"