Just a Funny
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A frog named Jake Jagger walked into a bank and asked the teller, Ms Pat T Wac, for a loan.
She said in order to make a loan to a frog, she’d have to ask her manager.
Jake said to tell the manager that his father is Mic and to show him this tiny little plastic elephant.
Ms Wac went to her manager, told him that Jake Jagger was here asking for a loan, that his father is Mic Jagger and showed him the little elephant Jake gave her.
The manager said, (wait for it..........)
“Its a nick-nack, Pat T Wac, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone...”
Now tell me you’re not singing that ditty and probably will be for days!
She said in order to make a loan to a frog, she’d have to ask her manager.
Jake said to tell the manager that his father is Mic and to show him this tiny little plastic elephant.
Ms Wac went to her manager, told him that Jake Jagger was here asking for a loan, that his father is Mic Jagger and showed him the little elephant Jake gave her.
The manager said, (wait for it..........)
“Its a nick-nack, Pat T Wac, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone...”
Now tell me you’re not singing that ditty and probably will be for days!
Little Billy asked his teacher Miss Goodbody if he could be punished for something he didn't do and she replied, of course not, that would be very unfair. Little Billy said thank goodness and Miss Goodbody wanted to know why he asked her that, to which little Billy replied, cause I didn't do my homework last night! Smart little Billy
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "It's dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy ~ "I have a baseball."
Man ~ "That's nice."
Boy ~ "Want to buy it?"
Man ~ "No, thanks."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy ~ "Its dark in here."
Man ~ "Yes, it is."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy ~ "$750?
Man ~ "Fine."
Boy ~ "I have a baseball glove."
Boy ~ "My dad's outside."
Man ~ "OK, how much?"
Boy ~ "$250?
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy ~ "$1,000?
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost."
"I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "It's dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "It's dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy ~ "I have a baseball."
Man ~ "That's nice."
Boy ~ "Want to buy it?"
Man ~ "No, thanks."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy ~ "Its dark in here."
Man ~ "Yes, it is."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy ~ "$750?
Man ~ "Fine."
Boy ~ "I have a baseball glove."
Boy ~ "My dad's outside."
Man ~ "OK, how much?"
Boy ~ "$250?
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy ~ "$1,000?
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost."
"I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "It's dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."
A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?”
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where the hell are you from?
“The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?”
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where the hell are you from?
“The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”
Political Correctness
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, people who live in or are from northeast Alabama, north Georgia, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia and Southwestern Virginia will no longer be referred to as
'HILLBILLIES'.
You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore,
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMENAND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
BREASTED AMERICAN. '
2 She is not 'EASY' - She is
'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
3 She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
4 She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a
'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'
5 She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes
' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
6 She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a
' LOW COST PROVIDER.'
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2 He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is
' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
4 He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5 He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
6 It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'TROUSER CLEAVAGE'
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, people who live in or are from northeast Alabama, north Georgia, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia and Southwestern Virginia will no longer be referred to as
'HILLBILLIES'.
You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore,
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMENAND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
BREASTED AMERICAN. '
2 She is not 'EASY' - She is
'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
3 She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
4 She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a
'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'
5 She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes
' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
6 She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a
' LOW COST PROVIDER.'
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2 He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is
' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
4 He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5 He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
6 It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'TROUSER CLEAVAGE'
Trump and Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, saying: "No thanks. My wife Melania will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead; my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."