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Garrett Horn

Beach Lover
Mar 2, 2017
80
58
Oldsmobile.jpg



THE OLDSMOBILE



After studying the beach for a few minutes, we knew it could be done. The beach was flat, I mean, flat! There are those rare occasions, when the tide withdraws after a heavy thunderstorm, and the sand is just packed down hard as a rock. Flat and hard as the beach in Daytona, and that’s what gave us the inspiration that it could be done. We just packed ourselves into the car, and still had room for the neighbors, and the neighbor’s kids. All the kids were small, maybe the oldest was seven and the youngest was three. There were four kids, and four adults, but it wasn’t cramped at all because it was a big car.

We set out in an Oldsmobile, a white 1956 Oldsmobile, and the year was probably 1958. There were a few good places to get a vehicle to the beach in those days, and the best one was not far down the road. The Red Clay Road was a familiar spot for most of us in those days. It was the place where red clay had been deposited, and a crude road was made straight down to the Gulf. This was the common place to launch your boat and an easy place to get your jeep onto the beach. But we didn’t really know if anybody had ever tried this in an Oldsmobile, and we didn’t care. We knew it could be done.

The only real decision when we got to the road was whether to go left or right, east or west. We knew in both directions we might encounter the outflows of several of the lakes. The coastal dune lakes are the pride of this area. They are spectacular bodies of beautiful waters, and each had a channel, sometimes called an outflow by newcomers, more often called inlets by the locals.

To the east was Eastern Lake, and it was always a possibility that the inlet had broken through, especially after a rain, and there might be a torrent of coffee-colored water that would have stopped our joyride in short order. A few miles further in the opposite direction was Western Lake with absolutely the same chance that we would be stopped by rushing water. But westward would be the better choice. It would be a bit longer ride, even if it proved to be abbreviated, and the ride would bring us past our summer home, sitting majestically on the bluffs of Seagrove.

The ride turned bumpy as we turned off the blacktop onto The Red Clay Road. It was hard packed with a multitude of ruts that made the going adventurous. Then it came time for the turn, which would have to be made rather fast. The transition from road to beach had to be done smoothly without a tight turn and with ample velocity.

We headed westward, of course, and the morning sun was at our backs. It was a cool October morning, when the memories of the hot summer were distant in the rearview mirror. We drove into a bright blue and white landscape, destination unknown. The Gulf was immaculate. It wasn’t perfectly glassy, but had a surface spread out as far as the eye could see with an array of tiny waves. The wind speed was perhaps 6 miles per hour coming out of the north. Our wind speed was more like 45, and our windows were wide open. Everybody had their arms out the window, and we must have looked like some strange squatty airplane as our joyride turned into an autumn cruise.

Before we knew it, we were passing the mighty bluffs of Seagrove. From a small knoll of sea oats rose a steep mountain of dense vegetation spotted with small patches of white sand. At the top was a sprawling panoramic stand of twisted scrub oaks and stately magnolias. Interspersed in this majestic grove was a handful of concrete block summer homes, mostly painted white, with shallow rooflines, as if they were trying to hide inside the trees. The ironic thing about Seagrove is that while the view of the Gulf from the Bluff is breathtakingly beautiful, the view of the Bluff from the Gulf is incredibly awesome as well. We passed our house, in quick order, and headed into the wilderness, destination unknown.

As we approached the stretch of beach before Grayton, we knew our ride might come to a close, but when we got closer, we saw that the inlet was closed up and Western Lake was not going to be an obstacle in our journey. The sand was flat and packed and we cruised past the backed up inlet in style. The town of Grayton huddled in the distance, a collection of wooden beach cottages that had been sleeping, unchanged, near the dune line, for a hundred years.

Then it was truly into the wilderness. No more towns like Grayton or Seagrove. We passed long stretches of sand dunes and scrub oaks that stretched to the horizon. Alligator Lake came and went, and soon before we knew it, Little Redfish and Big Redfish were upon us. We knew another gushing outflow might be looming, but we passed it without missing a beat.

We looked at each other, and then looked at the gas gauge, and I believe it dawned on us all at the same time that it was no longer destination unknown. The game had changed. The adventure had deepened. We knew we could make it. The sand was flat and packed. It was destination Destin.

There were a few more lakes that might stop us, but nothing was going to dampen our spirits. We knew we could make it. We were riding a 1956 Oldsmobile to the ends of the earth, if we wanted to. Well, Oyster Lake couldn’t stop us. Its outflow was just a trickle that we splashed through with rolls of laughter. And then the threat of Stallworth loomed heavy on the horizon. We knew of no other lakes past that point that connected to the Gulf. Once past Stallworth it would be all systems go. Then, just as before, as we approached the low plain where we knew a possibility of rushing water might stand in our way, we witnessed another slight trickle and we blasted through it again. But, of course, we always knew we could make it.

It was smooth cruising the rest of the way. Campbell Lake has never presented an outlet to the Gulf in a hundreds of years. It was just easy cruising, past miles of pristine gorgeous Florida beaches. Everlasting miles of sand dunes, sea oats, scrub oaks and pines. And the Gulf of Mexico was our defining friend: the caressing shoulder of our hard packed highway. We can’t quite remember if we made it all the way to Destin or not. But we knew nothing could have stopped us until the East Pass. And who knows? A 1956 Oldsmobile might just have enough horsepower for that mighty leap.
 

joho

Beach Fanatic
Aug 5, 2005
1,132
170
Great bedside book, well written, and truly amusing. I am especially enjoying the fast read which holds your interest and makes you anxious for the next story. It brings back fond memories of the early days in Santa Rosa Beach. What a unique and extremely beautiful place we live.
 

Garrett Horn

Beach Lover
Mar 2, 2017
80
58
THE SECOND SAND BAR


I probably haven’t told you about Hamp fishing from a scaffold set up on the second bar. I haven’t told you, because I didn’t really see it, myself, but I believe it. Someone told me the story, and he or I may have been drunk at the time, which really doesn’t matter much, because it sounded so satisfyingly real, that I have no doubt that it happened.

This is the way it probably went down. Hamp got a couple of the guys together, down near Grayton. It was, probably, Richard’s johnboat, and some scaffolding, most likely, borrowed discreetly, from a Warnerworks jobsite. I haven’t got a clue what year or what month it was, but the cobia were running. Now, the standard way of finding cobia is by fishing from some big old boat with a tower so you can perch and watch and find them slipping thru the surf. It you don’t have a boat built for that, you are s**t out of luck.

These guys, however, were not in possession of a fishing boat. They were in possession of a little bit of inspiration. The only thing about spotting cobia is getting high…and the easiest way to get high is build yourself a platform. The simplest way of building a platform is the simplicity of scaffolding. Two frameworks of iron, two cross braces, and you have it.

They must have had a bunch of beer. It’s easy to have inspiration, but for completion of such a far-fetched plan, you have to have the follow through that only comes with a bunch of buddies having downed a six pack or two of brew. They pilfered the scaffold from a jobsite of someone they knew really wouldn’t mind. They loaded them on a 1958 International Harvester early in the morning, and by late morning, they were transferring them to the johnboat. It was all a matter of balance and beer to get them out to the bar.

As luck would have it, it was a smooth morning, glassy and calm. Sometimes, the Gulf of Mexico looks like a serene, peaceful lake. The metal frames rode easily on the boat, and then it was just a matter of placing them. The reality is, that it’s really only six or seven feet deep at the second bar. After the first section is dropped into the sandy bottom, then it was a simple job to feel the cross braces into their slots. It got easier, because, by the second stage of scaffolding, the “tower” was rising above the water. They probably went up a couple more stages, getting maybe ten or twelve feet above the water, and then it was simply a matter of getting the coolers and the fishing poles up the ladder to the top.

The guys got baked that afternoon, no doubt. No one really has a definitive answer as to if they caught a damn fish or not. But, I’m willing to bet, they watched a gorgeous sunset, and they added another chapter to the possibilities of what really went on in South Walton in the seventies.


-An Excerpt-
 

Garrett Horn

Beach Lover
Mar 2, 2017
80
58
Garrett Too (51).jpg



THE PIRATE SHIP

My man-cave is a Pirate Ship. The place of peace and tranquility,

that I go to, in my hour of need, is a structure of old planks and

boards, many of which were once flotsam from a hurricane. I pieced

them together thru the years, just because.

The history of the Pirate Ship started in the aftermath of Hurricane

Dennis. After most major storms, such as Opal, Ivan, and Dennis,

an enormous debris field is usually deposited on my lakeshore. With

Dennis having the highest storm surge on record for the last 30

years, the amount of flotsam and jetsam that we accumulated was

immense. There is no human way to clear all this debris by hand. It

was a tangled mess of straw, weeds and lumber from battered dune

walkovers, and everything else that had been floating on the seas for

years. Fortunately, I was able to pull a few good boards out of the mess

before the county came in with bulldozers to collect the rest. I had a

modest stack of 6x6’s and a few 2x8’s and 2x12’s. Nothing special, but

I kept them stacked neatly, for some reason.

Finally, one day, I decided we had to have a cabana of some sort,

down near the lake. It has been an ongoing family tradition to build

some kind of modest decks, some of which grew to be full scale shacks,

and then, of course, it has been tradition for hurricanes to come and

reduce these shacks to rubble. But, it is simply necessary to have a

sitting place by such a lovely scene, and one day I sank a few rustic,

salvaged, 6x6’s in the ground, and began my structure. This time I

placed it up nestled in the line of scrub oaks, a half dozen feet above

the water line of the lake. It would be safe there, I supposed.

I had no plan, really. I installed the 6x6’s in a square, with beams

above, picturing a small hipped roof, above, later on. I ran the old,

salvaged 2x12 and 2x8 deck boards long out the front, and was

contemplating, perhaps, a semi-circular cantilevered entrance deck to

the small square cabana. About this time, in the slow casual process

of this thing, my wife, Nina, came to inspect my progress one day.

We had recently heard the great news that our son, Chris, and his

wife, Kristin, were expecting our first grandson, who would be named

Beckett. After seeing the basic rough structure I had pieced together

so far, she seemed to have a vision, as she, actually, bent down on one

knee, and brought her arms up, in the classic “rifleman” gesture, as

we all did as kids, and exclaimed, “This can be a Fort, where Beckett

fights off the Pirates…”

Well, a light bulb went off, in my head. Not a small light bulb. A

gigantic light bulb went off, and I knew in an instant, that this structure

was going to be a Pirate Ship.

That was the easy part: the inspiration that came from my wife. The

hard part was to build the thing; to bend the boards and to envision the

curves and the sweeps that would come together to fulfill this dream.

But, it really wasn’t physically hard, since there really was no timeline,

no set completion date. It was simply something I could tinker with,

on weekends, and add a nuance or two, here and there. But I always

knew I could do it; I could figure out any problem. And I always knew

it would bring a smile to most anyone who saw it.

Shortly after I fashioned the curved basic hull shape of the “boat”,

I knew I had to have an operable gang plank, to board the boat, and

to pull up, to stay safe from the pirates. I made it, by trial and error,

where it could be lifted by ropes and pulleys. This gang plank rested

on a dock, all on dry land, of course, but it soon dawned on me, that

it was simply mandatory that the gangplank pass over water. This, of

course, led me to install a small pond beneath the gangplank. Fine and

dandy, as they say, but this pond soon became rank and fowl, since

it was simply stagnant water. This problem, of course, only had one

solution: I would have to build a waterfall, to keep the water moving.

This “ improvement” to the over-all scheme only took a moment of

inspiration, of course, but took many, many long hours of hard work,

with me enlisting many of my friends and family to carry landscaping

rocks and mortar, down to the lakeside. You can research “how to

build a waterfall” with just a couple taps on the computer. How to do

it, in real life, is just plain hard work, but immensely satisfying.

This highlights, really, what was one of my main motivations, and

possibly a profound life lesson, as well. This whole endeavor can kind

of be encapsulated by that old saying “painting yourself into a corner,”

but on a much grander scale. Once I actually got some of the early

shape and structure of the pirate ship, and got grins of joy, from people

who saw it, I knew that I would have to keep fixing it up. After doing

each portion, and then sitting back with a beer, just contemplating

what I had done, I just keep thinking of more things I could do to

it. For instance, somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew I would

have to have a mast, but then that led to having rope rigging, and that

would lead to inventing just how to do that. There was no manual on

the internet for that. For instance, it started out open-aired, with just

a square beam system above, but I realized that I should probably put

a ceiling over it. Then I realized the ceiling could be a “second floor,” as

well, and then the second floor changed into a “crow’s nest,” complete

with oblong railing, and a crooked ship’s ladder. If there is anything I

have learned from this experience of imagination, it is the old saying,

“one thing leads to another…” When the light bulb went off, in all its

momentary brilliance, it filled me with imagination, and it also sealed

my fate that I would have to see this through to “completion,” whatever

that meant.

Another revelation came to me on another day, as I was trying to

finish varnishing the floor of the crow’s nest. Here I was sweating

profusely, getting icky with the varnish all over me, and cursing how

much hard, hard work I had put into this crazy endeavor, this dream

of mine. In the back of my mind, I think I always knew that what I

was trying to do was to build my own version of “The Swiss Family

Robinson House”, the incredible treehouse of my youth. And it dawned

on me, in a somewhat dimmer lightbulb than before, that the Swiss

Family Robinson didn’t actually build that treehouse; the Walt Disney

Corporation, with teams of production designers, and engineers, and

teams of expert carpenters built that treehouse!

It dawned on me, as I varnished that last patch of cedar flooring on

the crow’s nest of my Pirate Ship, that I had been pursuing a dream,

far beyond my capabilities, but that, through my persistent naiveté,

my innate and acquired skills, and just my perspiring perseverance, I

had accomplished it.

And now it is my fortress of solitude, where I contemplate the winds

and the seas… and all is peaceful, on my Pirate Ship.

-Excerpt from "Postcards of Seagrove"
 

Garrett Horn

Beach Lover
Mar 2, 2017
80
58
THE SUMMER SOCIETY



It is sort of odd, but interesting, that we live in a place that is invaded every year. A tourist destination is a funny place. It’s a small community, most of the time. You know your neighbors. You’ve met most of them, through the years. And everything seems quiet and normal for most of the year. It doesn’t stay that way. Abruptly, a locust storm of cars appear on your two lane “mainstreet”. Your sole artery of transportation, the only road in town, is stacked up for miles, with impatient metal boxes, creeping slowly towards The One Intersection.

I shall not go into the malfunctioning politics of over population and county un-governance. But purely from a native’s standpoint, aren’t we the most patient, understanding populace on earth? Do you think the Roman Empire was this polite when the hordes came down from the north to pillage their capital? Do you think France welcomed the blitzkrieg with flowers and champagne?

All we do is patiently tap on our phones as we stand in line at Publix. All we do is scoot our chairs a little farther from our favorite spot on the beach. We grumble, sure, but it’s all part of the game, now. Beach dwellers, long time natives, have learned to adapt, improvise, and overcome. Some of us, who once felt so proud to know the hidden Seaside parking places, which now no longer exist, have found news ways of making it work. We have adopted ancient ways of motivation, such as walking and bicycling. We have given up the SUV’s for smart cars or even sometimes rick-shaws. Walking is making a comeback.

Of course, there are highs and lows in the tides of humanity that converge from the north, and crash against the sea in endless waves. But the Gulf can absorb them. It’s only the debris that is left from the human waves that annoys us so much. I once commented on the plastic particles that are strewn upon our coastline after a named storm, but the volumes of waste deposited by the visitors is far more vast and un-ceasing.

And then, of course, there are the signs and fences, installed supposedly, to educate the ignorant, but in fact are a projection of the ignorance of the fact that we are all in this together. Does it mean so much, to exclude other people from the treasure of the white sand you discovered just a little while earlier? It isn’t yours. It belongs to the ocean. Can’t the visitors find a place just a few yards further from the bluff?

It’s an enormous amount of sand, if you think about it. It stretches over the horizon on either side. And, guess what, you don’t need that heavy equipment. Really. A bathing suit and a beach towel. Sunglasses and a hat. You can fashion a “beach chair” out of nothing but sand, ya know. Reduce your footprint and you reduce your stress, and the stress you put on others. Spread yourself thin. Don’t plant yourself at the beach. Take some time to explore the lakes and ride the bike path. Find hidden bayous on the Bay. Find that perfect summer cocktail.

And, most of all, shop. That’s why we natives love you so much. You buy the things that help us make a living. Clothes, jewelry, books, bicycles, houses. We have sunscreen and shrimp. We have kayaks and cuisine. We have bicycles and barbeque. We have hospitality in exchange for your courtesy. Let’s share our beaches as if it was everybody’s backyard.

_- An excerpt -
 

Garrett Horn

Beach Lover
Mar 2, 2017
80
58
The Yellow House.jpg


Seagrove started off small. That's part of what my book is about. I'm having a book signing at Sundog Books this Saturday
from 4 - 8. Tall tales and drinking ales. Ya'll please come by!
 

Garrett Horn

Beach Lover
Mar 2, 2017
80
58
15823319_10154312473478196_760217098445000494_n (2).png



THE MOMENT



I’m not really sure what sent her out, on that morning. She woke up too early, and sipped coffee slowly, puttering away time in the art room, but as the faintest ripples of light crept in, she realized she had to go. It was going to be glorious. She had to jump in the jeep with her trusty black lab in tow, and she had to race to the ocean. She had go to that one special lake, that pristine stretch of calm blue silver water, lined with bright green palmettos, famous tall pine trees, and stretches of somber white elegant sand dunes. It was a very familiar lake. It was a very familiar scene. She had photographed it perhaps a dozen times before, but today was just different. Today was starting to unfold in muted splendor. The air was cool and crisp, and, as the first rays of sunlight touched the dewdrops on the leaves, everything had a subtle edge of sparkle. A faint wisp of elegant fog was lingering, anticipating its evaporation. And even more magnificently, absolutely nothing was moving. It was a breathlessly still morning in the exact center of Northwest Florida, in the exact center of the universe. There may have been an errant hawk circling high above, but the stillness upon the ground and waters was absolutely sacred.

And the stillness was absolutely essential for the shot she was seeking. In her mind, she knew a place. She knew a spot where the elements would come together for her lens. She knew this one particular point where all the trees, and leaves, and the luxurious curves of the lakeshore would stand as they always have, for all these hundreds of years, but would somehow come perfectly together in just the perfect composition. She knew this place was there, but she had been searching for it for years. And she knew this moment was always coming. She had been searching for this moment for all these years.

There was no sound. There was not the slightest ripple on the waters of the lake. No wildlife ventured near, to be noisily scared away as she ventured carefully into the center of nature. She had to leave her precious puppy in the front seat of the truck. He would have been much too playful. He sat patiently attentive, perhaps wise in knowing, as she stalked the moment. Perfect silence was essential. Perfect peace was her intrinsic goal. It felt to her that stillness, itself, was the thing she came to capture. She tiptoed slowly through the marsh and muck. She heard the muted squish of her boots, but that was all. She moved slowly, all eyes, as she was searching for the spot. She ventured left a dozen paces, then leaned right and squatted, gracefully. She looked brightly east, and pondered the clouds, and the majestic tree line. She sat down, somewhat clumsily, yet quietly. The stillness pounding in her heart. She clutched her camera carefully, avoiding all the clever moisture trying to ruin the spot, and eased herself down upon one elbow. Another soft squish in the sweet morning dew. She held her breath for a thousand seconds, moving her camera several important degrees, left, then right, then just a second upwards. The rays of sunlight were just peeking through the clouds. The perfect moment was almost peaking in her soul. She eased her face and lens several important inches lower, slightly west, slightly south, hovering quietly above the muck. She waited one more second, one more second, then release her breath, to calm herself one last time. She held her breath again, for just one forever instant, and then she captured that moment…
 
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