kathydwells
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
Maybe Hoover's coach would like to come and coach at Alabama. 
I think that is pretty much were they are now.
I think that is pretty much were they are now.
Last edited:
Shula is dunzo!
- Thread starter whiteyfunn
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It was supposed to happen, apparently West Virginia upped the ante and Rich became a little Richer.
I just found out about Coach Rod saying no. I think I'm going to throw up. 
That's it!!
I'm fine with being a Vanderbilt fan. 
That's it!!
I'm fine with being a Vanderbilt fan. 
Not sure what they are going to do with all of them now!
Not sure what they are going to do with all of them now!
Love this!:clap_1:
Alabama makes me 
lots.
lots.
kathydwells
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
This pretty much sums it up Bama fans.
Breaking Bad News to Bear
By: Paul Finebaum
The brisk, icy wind was whipping the barren tree branches as I slowly walked from the car down the narrow, rocky road. In the background, I heard the faint sound of a train slowly making its way down the track. It was near dusk as I arrived at Lot 57, Block 30 in Birmingham's Elmwood Cemetery.
"So, you are back?"
It was the deep, gravely and resonant voice of the Bear.
"There has been a lot happening since my last visit, Coach," I said. "Thought I better get over here and fill you in."
"Get to it, son."
"Alabama's looking for another coach," I said.
"I don't care about all that," he interrupted. "What bowl we going to this year? Sugar? I would like to beat those ... from Notre Dame again."
"Well, Coach, Alabama is playing Oklahoma State in the PetroSun Independence Bowl in Shreveport."
"Shreveport!" said the Bear. "What is that cow pasture doing hosting a bowl game?"
"Coach, Alabama went 6-6 this year and there's trouble on the horizon."
Coach Bryant paused for a moment, then finally, said, "OK, you better start from the beginning. Last time you visited me, Franchione had just left for Texas A&M and we hired Price from Washington State. I guess he finally wore out his welcome after four years, huh. I knew we should have hired Danny Ford."
I informed Coach Bryant that Price never made it to the first game. He was fired in May of 2003 because of an alleged transgression with a stripper.
Suddenly, the ground shook and a crashing noise could be heard. At first, it sounded like an explosion. I soon realized it was laughter. Coach Bryant finally said: "And they fired him for that?"
"Yes, sir, President Robert Witt said that kind of behavior was not acceptable at Alabama."
"So, who took over? No, don't tell me. They brought back Bebes and he wants to head back to the ranch now. Can't say I blame him. He's no spring chicken anymore."
"No coach, they hired Shula."
"Shula, well, I'll be," Bryant said. "I never liked him, but he did win a few Super Bowls. So what happened, the old Mount Rushmore face finally hang it up. Don't blame him. He must be pushing 75."
"Uh, Coach, they hired Mike Shula, his youngest son."
"Mike Shula. You mean, the little kid who played for Perkins and then got run out of the NFL."
"Yes, Coach. They fired him after losing the Auburn game at home."
There was silence for a moment. "He lost to Auburn at home. How embarrassing. How could Alabama ever lose to the cow college at home?"
"Coach, he lost four straight to Auburn. You're not going to believe this, but the school gave him a new contract earlier this year and raised his salary to nearly $2 million a year. This followed a blowout last year at Auburn when the Tide was down 21-0 in the first quarter and the quarterback got sacked 11 times. On top of that, Alabama had to pay Shula an additional $4 million on a buyout."
"What kind of morons do we having running our school?"
"Well, coach ..."
"How many national championships did Shula win?"
"None, Coach."
"Well, I realize it's tough to win it all now with that stupid BCS. I had trouble winning three straight myself. What about SEC championships? How many?"
"None, Coach."
"Let me get this straight. He didn't win any national championships? He didn't win any SEC titles and never beat Auburn and they gave him a raise and a new contract? Do we have The Three Stooges running this school?"
"Coach, let's cut to the chase. Shula was 26-23 after four years. He was 2-14 against Arkansas, Tennessee, LSU and Auburn."
"Is Mal on Auburn's payroll? Is he some kind of secret agent sleeping with the enemy. How does he keep his job? What is going on there?"
"And Coach, Alabama has now lost five straight to Auburn and five out of seven to Tuberville."
"I always liked that boy, Tubby. I knew his kin folk from over in Camden (Ark.) Why don't we just go hire him and end this debate once and for all."
There was quiet for a few minutes and then finally, Coach Bryant said: "OK, enough of this. So where is the search going now? I hope we're going to hire Spurrier. He's the best coach I've seen since I walked the sidelines. Love that guy. I think he might have even given me fits."
"Well, Coach, it looked like they had a shot at him but they dropped the ball and Spurrier ended up getting a contract extension at South Carolina."
"You're kidding me. Who is running this stupid search? There's no way they're letting Mal get anywhere near it, right?"
"Well, Coach, pretty much Mal, Paul Jr. and the president are in charge."
"Oh, my goodness."
"Coach, are you OK?"
"I'm sorry, I just can't believe this. So where are we now?"
"Well, the school supposedly offered Nick Saban a small fortune. Story in the Miami paper said with the bonuses, the number could go as high as $57 million, although Alabama folks denied it."
"He's not bad. A little arrogant. So when does Saban start?"
"Uh, Coach, he said he wasn't interested."
"He turned down $57 million?" said Bryant, his voice raging with anger. Finally, he calmed down and said, "So what's next? Petrino?"
"Said he wasn't interested."
"Beamer?"
"Same."
"What about Butch Davis? Didn't he put Miami back on the map after probation?"
"Coach, he desperately wanted the job but Alabama let him get away to North Carolina first."
A loud groan was heard.
"Then the school offered to double the salary of Rich Rodriguez of West Virginia."
"West Virginia," screamed the Bear. "Why would we hire a coach from that backwoods place? I can't believe we hired the stupid West Virginia coach at Alabama. How embarrassing. He better not put on one of my houndstooth hats."
"Uh, Coach, he turned it down, too. Said he wanted to stay in Morgantown."
Suddenly, the whipping wind stopped cold and there was neither sound nor motion.
A small, faint echo emitted, almost like a small baby crying. It became a little louder and finally, stopped.
"I'm sorry," said Bryant. "I got a little bit emotional for a second. I can't believe after all those years I put in that this has happened to my beloved school. We have become a
laughingstock, a national punch line. Tell me, son, is there any hope at all?"
I took a deep breath and began walking toward my car. I looked back for a fleeting moment and slowly shook my head in silence.
Breaking Bad News to Bear
By: Paul Finebaum
The brisk, icy wind was whipping the barren tree branches as I slowly walked from the car down the narrow, rocky road. In the background, I heard the faint sound of a train slowly making its way down the track. It was near dusk as I arrived at Lot 57, Block 30 in Birmingham's Elmwood Cemetery.
"So, you are back?"
It was the deep, gravely and resonant voice of the Bear.
"There has been a lot happening since my last visit, Coach," I said. "Thought I better get over here and fill you in."
"Get to it, son."
"Alabama's looking for another coach," I said.
"I don't care about all that," he interrupted. "What bowl we going to this year? Sugar? I would like to beat those ... from Notre Dame again."
"Well, Coach, Alabama is playing Oklahoma State in the PetroSun Independence Bowl in Shreveport."
"Shreveport!" said the Bear. "What is that cow pasture doing hosting a bowl game?"
"Coach, Alabama went 6-6 this year and there's trouble on the horizon."
Coach Bryant paused for a moment, then finally, said, "OK, you better start from the beginning. Last time you visited me, Franchione had just left for Texas A&M and we hired Price from Washington State. I guess he finally wore out his welcome after four years, huh. I knew we should have hired Danny Ford."
I informed Coach Bryant that Price never made it to the first game. He was fired in May of 2003 because of an alleged transgression with a stripper.
Suddenly, the ground shook and a crashing noise could be heard. At first, it sounded like an explosion. I soon realized it was laughter. Coach Bryant finally said: "And they fired him for that?"
"Yes, sir, President Robert Witt said that kind of behavior was not acceptable at Alabama."
"So, who took over? No, don't tell me. They brought back Bebes and he wants to head back to the ranch now. Can't say I blame him. He's no spring chicken anymore."
"No coach, they hired Shula."
"Shula, well, I'll be," Bryant said. "I never liked him, but he did win a few Super Bowls. So what happened, the old Mount Rushmore face finally hang it up. Don't blame him. He must be pushing 75."
"Uh, Coach, they hired Mike Shula, his youngest son."
"Mike Shula. You mean, the little kid who played for Perkins and then got run out of the NFL."
"Yes, Coach. They fired him after losing the Auburn game at home."
There was silence for a moment. "He lost to Auburn at home. How embarrassing. How could Alabama ever lose to the cow college at home?"
"Coach, he lost four straight to Auburn. You're not going to believe this, but the school gave him a new contract earlier this year and raised his salary to nearly $2 million a year. This followed a blowout last year at Auburn when the Tide was down 21-0 in the first quarter and the quarterback got sacked 11 times. On top of that, Alabama had to pay Shula an additional $4 million on a buyout."
"What kind of morons do we having running our school?"
"Well, coach ..."
"How many national championships did Shula win?"
"None, Coach."
"Well, I realize it's tough to win it all now with that stupid BCS. I had trouble winning three straight myself. What about SEC championships? How many?"
"None, Coach."
"Let me get this straight. He didn't win any national championships? He didn't win any SEC titles and never beat Auburn and they gave him a raise and a new contract? Do we have The Three Stooges running this school?"
"Coach, let's cut to the chase. Shula was 26-23 after four years. He was 2-14 against Arkansas, Tennessee, LSU and Auburn."
"Is Mal on Auburn's payroll? Is he some kind of secret agent sleeping with the enemy. How does he keep his job? What is going on there?"
"And Coach, Alabama has now lost five straight to Auburn and five out of seven to Tuberville."
"I always liked that boy, Tubby. I knew his kin folk from over in Camden (Ark.) Why don't we just go hire him and end this debate once and for all."
There was quiet for a few minutes and then finally, Coach Bryant said: "OK, enough of this. So where is the search going now? I hope we're going to hire Spurrier. He's the best coach I've seen since I walked the sidelines. Love that guy. I think he might have even given me fits."
"Well, Coach, it looked like they had a shot at him but they dropped the ball and Spurrier ended up getting a contract extension at South Carolina."
"You're kidding me. Who is running this stupid search? There's no way they're letting Mal get anywhere near it, right?"
"Well, Coach, pretty much Mal, Paul Jr. and the president are in charge."
"Oh, my goodness."
"Coach, are you OK?"
"I'm sorry, I just can't believe this. So where are we now?"
"Well, the school supposedly offered Nick Saban a small fortune. Story in the Miami paper said with the bonuses, the number could go as high as $57 million, although Alabama folks denied it."
"He's not bad. A little arrogant. So when does Saban start?"
"Uh, Coach, he said he wasn't interested."
"He turned down $57 million?" said Bryant, his voice raging with anger. Finally, he calmed down and said, "So what's next? Petrino?"
"Said he wasn't interested."
"Beamer?"
"Same."
"What about Butch Davis? Didn't he put Miami back on the map after probation?"
"Coach, he desperately wanted the job but Alabama let him get away to North Carolina first."
A loud groan was heard.
"Then the school offered to double the salary of Rich Rodriguez of West Virginia."
"West Virginia," screamed the Bear. "Why would we hire a coach from that backwoods place? I can't believe we hired the stupid West Virginia coach at Alabama. How embarrassing. He better not put on one of my houndstooth hats."
"Uh, Coach, he turned it down, too. Said he wanted to stay in Morgantown."
Suddenly, the whipping wind stopped cold and there was neither sound nor motion.
A small, faint echo emitted, almost like a small baby crying. It became a little louder and finally, stopped.
"I'm sorry," said Bryant. "I got a little bit emotional for a second. I can't believe after all those years I put in that this has happened to my beloved school. We have become a
laughingstock, a national punch line. Tell me, son, is there any hope at all?"
I took a deep breath and began walking toward my car. I looked back for a fleeting moment and slowly shook my head in silence.
...that made me sad. Poor Bear.