Teddy Ebersole

[Jdarg]

In theory, I see what you're saying, but I look at it as once a parent, always a parent. It's a transition you make that is forever. Once you cross over, there's no going back.
I know you don't mean it this way, dbuck, but parents with more kids don't have "spares"; each child is so wildly different from the other, and each one would leave a hole in your life that only he/she could fill.
P.S. For the record, I asked this question for thought-provoking answers from all the SoWallers, not just the parents. I was really interested in the big picture--how does feeling out of control of the universe make you feel? :shock: Lots of room for interesting input...

Oh boy...I'm feeling the need to lie on the couch. I'm counting on you to "fix" me in June!

Ha ha- I can't believe I am telling my problems to a talking pea that wears a diaper!!

 

[peapod1980]

although the first thing out of my mother's mouth will be "Are you and Bdarg on the same flight? Who is going to raise the kids if you both die?" And my own little neuroses will kick in and work their evil magic, and I will chicken out.:roll:

Which puts me back to where I started- afraid that if I'm not with them, I'm not in control.

Where is our resident SoWal therapist? Did all of our collective issues scare her off? Pea sounds like she could be good at this- maybe we should appoint her the new head shrink!

Oh, honey, bless your heart--even if you managed to feel some release, you'd have your mom making you worry! :shock:
I understand the fear, believe me. I used to live there--took me a long time in life to realize I was a control freak. Not in the sense of trying to control other people or their actions, but more so trying to make everything work out "right." Thinking I had more power than I did, I guess. In all seriousness, I just kind of reached a realization that it wasn't about me; I'm nobody! That in itself was scary, but then it gradually became really freeing.
And, Jen-ay, just between you and me, I've had more therapy than you can imagine!

 

[peapod1980]

Oh boy...I'm feeling the need to lie on the couch. I'm counting on you to "fix" me in June!

Ha ha- I can't believe I am telling my problems to a talking pea that wears a diaper!!

Oh, gosh, I just belly-laughed! :funn:

 

[Rudyjohn]

We have an only child, he is 18 now. We do travel without him and let him travel without us, BUT I am terrified something will happen to him. For families with more than one child, I realize that one child cannot take the place of another child but if something happened to one of your children, you would still be a parent, when you have just one child - you life is over as you have known it. This is my greatest fear in life. I have to tell myself daily that I am not in control and I hate not being in control.

Ditto for me too. I'm already worrying about the profound sadness I will experience when our 15 y.o. leaves for college. I'm obsessing over that! I know this is cliche, but my son is also a good friend of mine.

 

[kathydwells]

Ditto for me too. I'm already worrying about the profound sadness I will experience when our 15 y.o. leaves for college. I'm obsessing over that! I know this is cliche, but my son is also a good friend of mine.

It isn't cliche to me. My 12 yr old and I are really good friends also!!!!

 

[peapod1980]

Ditto for me too. I'm already worrying about the profound sadness I will experience when our 15 y.o. leaves for college. I'm obsessing over that! I know this is cliche, but my son is also a good friend of mine.

Not at all! That's one thing that was so sad about the Ebersoles--Susan said she and Teddy were home alone so much with Dick being gone all the time that they truly became best friends.
That was just heartbreaking to hear.

 

[Jdarg]

We have an only child, he is 18 now. We do travel without him and let him travel without us, BUT I am terrified something will happen to him. For families with more than one child, I realize that one child cannot take the place of another child but if something happened to one of your children, you would still be a parent, when you have just one child - you life is over as you have known it. This is my greatest fear in life. I have to tell myself daily that I am not in control and I hate not being in control.

I too believed that having other children to parent might be a positive factor in the psychological survival of the parents that lose a child. Sadly, now I know this is not true. I know 2 couples that tragically lost children (a son 18, in one family, a daughter 32 in another). Despite having another child to parent (and those kids have a whole new set of issues being the "surviving one"), these parents are mere shells, just walking around and existing. I don't think their grief is any less than parents who lose the only child.

My kids are 9 years apart- and for 9 years I worried about something happening to Will and how I wouldn't be able to survive it. Then Kate came along- but that didn't offer me any comfort, because the same holds true for her- how would i get through the day without her? Maybe what you mean is that as a grieving parent, you would have to keep it together for your other child, and that could be the rope to hang on to. Unfortunately, with the people I know, the surviving children became the parents, and now their lives are changed as well as difficult.

 

[Jdarg]

Ditto for me too. I'm already worrying about the profound sadness I will experience when our 15 y.o. leaves for college. I'm obsessing over that! I know this is cliche, but my son is also a good friend of mine.

That's easy! I've told Will that i will be going to college with him!

He is just thrilled.:funn:But dangit, someone will have to teach him how to play quarters.

 

[Tatertot]

I'm going to but in, even if I'm not a regular on this site yet. I'm a therapist, and from that standpoint, I can say that in reality, as seen on the Oprah show, something terrible can happen to you or your child whether your together or not. It does give people a "sense" or "feeling" of control when they are physically with their child, however, that sense of control can be deceiving. It is healthy for children to spend time away from their parents, (in moderations of course) just as it is extremely healthy for couples to spend time alone without their children. There is a fine line between being overproctective to the point of emotionally or socially hindering your child and on the other end, allowing your child so much freedom or space that they are hurt by it (being neglected, kidnapped, sexually abused, etc. etc. etc.) It's a judgement call on every parents part and every family is unique. But there has to be that balance there.

Just my thoughts, for whatever that may be worth!

 

[peapod1980]

I'm going to but in, even if I'm not a regular on this site yet. I'm a therapist, and from that standpoint, I can say that in reality, as seen on the Oprah show, something terrible can happen to you or your child whether your together or not. It does give people a "sense" or "feeling" of control when they are physically with their child, however, that sense of control can be deceiving. It is healthy for children to spend time away from their parents, (in moderations of course) just as it is extremely healthy for couples to spend time alone without their children. There is a fine line between being overproctective to the point of emotionally or socially hindering your child and on the other end, allowing your child so much freedom or space that they are hurt by it (being neglected, kidnapped, sexually abused, etc. etc. etc.) It's a judgement call on every parents part and every family is unique. But there has to be that balance there.

Just my thoughts, for whatever that may be worth!

They're worth a lot, Tatertot, and make a lot of sense to me!
Thanks for your input--you should but in more often!