with credit to Chucklebuns, a list one of my best friends subscribes to! 
I assume the content to be in the public domain, and every effort is taken not to use copyrighted material when the author is known I will give credit otherwise I give credit to the listmember who sent it credit for submitting a joke to the list does not mean that person is the author I only give them credit for submitting the joke unless the sender states they are the author This email is for any daft bugger who cares to read it. It may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. By reading this disclaimer, you have agreed to be bound to silence in perpetuity. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
distribution or copying of this email is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. We may record and monitor telephone calls to help improve customer service. Disclaimers on electronic communications are worth the paper that they save and will have no effect on subsequent litigation. Their raison d'etre is to boost the ego of some dim-wit in Corporate Legal and give employment to another wastrel in IT. They are also annoying. Like chain letters but without the same degree of intellectual rigour. Your e-mail is being held in a queue and will be dealt with shortly after hell freezes over; please be assured that your custom is invaluable to us. This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and solely for the use of the intended recipient; my e-mail provider; your e-mail provider; GCHQ Cheltenham [Semtex, post-office] and a few hundred hackers. It may contain material protected by Statutory or Regulatory Law or jokes deemed offensive to minority groups. Unless the word absquatulation** has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or g rammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the tabby next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. For your convenience, we have slashed your car tyres. This email has been swept for all known viruses, many unknown ones and the presence of the word bollocks. This email remains the property of someone who can't take it off you, doesn't know you've got it and doesn't understand electronic documents. Your PC has been checked for HIV, Hepatitis C, Hoof & Mouth and Yaws. Please return your IT Director to the upright position and stow your computer in the monitor in front of you. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing. If you are not the intended recipient be advised that you have received this email in error and must cut your own head off with a sharpened teaspoon.
*The Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) is a British intelligence agency responsible for providing signals intelligence (SIGINT) and information assurance to the UK government and armed forces as required, under the guidance of the Joint Intelligence Committee. (per wikipedia)
**ab?squat?u?late /?bˈskwɒtʃəˌleɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled P ronunciation[ab-skwoch-uh-leyt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
?verb (used without object), -lat?ed, -lat?ing. Slang. to flee; abscond: The old prospector absquatulated with our picks and shovel.
I assume the content to be in the public domain, and every effort is taken not to use copyrighted material when the author is known I will give credit otherwise I give credit to the listmember who sent it credit for submitting a joke to the list does not mean that person is the author I only give them credit for submitting the joke unless the sender states they are the author This email is for any daft bugger who cares to read it. It may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. By reading this disclaimer, you have agreed to be bound to silence in perpetuity. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
distribution or copying of this email is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. We may record and monitor telephone calls to help improve customer service. Disclaimers on electronic communications are worth the paper that they save and will have no effect on subsequent litigation. Their raison d'etre is to boost the ego of some dim-wit in Corporate Legal and give employment to another wastrel in IT. They are also annoying. Like chain letters but without the same degree of intellectual rigour. Your e-mail is being held in a queue and will be dealt with shortly after hell freezes over; please be assured that your custom is invaluable to us. This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and solely for the use of the intended recipient; my e-mail provider; your e-mail provider; GCHQ Cheltenham [Semtex, post-office] and a few hundred hackers. It may contain material protected by Statutory or Regulatory Law or jokes deemed offensive to minority groups. Unless the word absquatulation** has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or g rammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the tabby next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. For your convenience, we have slashed your car tyres. This email has been swept for all known viruses, many unknown ones and the presence of the word bollocks. This email remains the property of someone who can't take it off you, doesn't know you've got it and doesn't understand electronic documents. Your PC has been checked for HIV, Hepatitis C, Hoof & Mouth and Yaws. Please return your IT Director to the upright position and stow your computer in the monitor in front of you. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing. If you are not the intended recipient be advised that you have received this email in error and must cut your own head off with a sharpened teaspoon.
*The Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) is a British intelligence agency responsible for providing signals intelligence (SIGINT) and information assurance to the UK government and armed forces as required, under the guidance of the Joint Intelligence Committee. (per wikipedia)
**ab?squat?u?late /?bˈskwɒtʃəˌleɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled P ronunciation[ab-skwoch-uh-leyt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
?verb (used without object), -lat?ed, -lat?ing. Slang. to flee; abscond: The old prospector absquatulated with our picks and shovel.
