The Roles of Husbands and Wives

[gundee123]

I have had many lively discussions about what it takes to have a great marriage and family. These discussions almost always ended up becoming a battle between the husbands and the wives, or the male vs the female.

Once upon a time, husbands were the breadwinners of the family, i.e., made the money by working outside of the home, and the wives worked inside of the home, i.e, cooked, cleaned, washed, took care of the kids, etc. In those days, marital roles/expections/responsibilies were clearly define. Nowadays, we know that things have most definitely changed. Some will say that those changes have hurt the family structure, while others say it was a long-waited improvement.

What say you?

 

[2bfabian]

In so much as you have stated that you have had some lively debates before, what say you.

 

[gundee123]

In so much as you have stated that you have had some lively debates before, what say you.

Thank you, 2b, for asking. First, I would say that I believe that love, trust, and commitment are the foundation of a great marriage and family. Once established, we should maintain these qualities with kindness, consideration, and forgiveness.

We can probably all agree that roles, expectations, and responsibilities within a marriage have changed over the last century. It is my honest opinion that more of these changes have hurt the family structure than have improved it. Therefore, I think that all of us need to first examine ourselves to see if we are able to be understanding and accepting of these changes. Thus, we need to do some personal soul searching and then communicate those feelings to our future life partner before saying "I do."

I have learned that there is no one size fits all when it comes to getting married in this new millineum. Nonetheless, there are some things that probably should be known up front, agreed to, and respected by both the husband and wife, i.e., who will be the ultimate decision maker (role), what will each be responsible for individually, and how will the couple reconcile their differences.

I realize that my opinion probably seems a little idealistic; however, I must say that it has worked very well for us---after all, my wife and I have been happily married for 14 years.

Thank you 2b for allowing me the opportunity to share my thoughts.

 

[Miss Kitty]

 

[Mango]

Something tells me we may be a control group for a study or book.

 

[Smiling JOe]

let your eyes closely follow the moving watch. Your eyes are growing sleepy...

seems to me that the people in your discussion groups, if fighting after discussing the details of what makes a good marriage, might not be qualified to speak on the subject.

 

[gundee123]

Mr. Gundee, I respectfully have to disagree with you regarding upfront decisions prior to marriage particularly ultimate decision maker. (role)
I believe that decisions need to be reached by both partners and in some instances one partner may be compromising, but that is what marriage is all about. As far as responsibilities during the course of marriage, those can change depending on life's curves balls thrown at you, and IMO having a fixed ideal could ultimately be a disappointment.

BTW, I have been "married" to my husband happily for 18 years.

Thank you for being such a polite poster. :clap_1:

Thank you for your kind words. Also, congratulations on your 18 years of marriage.

I very much respect your opinion on this issue. I especially agree with your view on how responsibilities may change during the course of a marriage due to unforeseen circumstances. In a loving marriage, I think that the couple can easily resuffle their responsibilities.

On the other hand, I think that you will agree that sometimes married people can become so passion about an issue that there is no compromise. In these instances, I think that someone should have the ultimate decision making power that will be respected by the other partner. If there is true consideration on the part of the person making the ultimate decision and real trust on the part of the other partner, the problem could be resolve with love. However, if the couple decide for a compromise, then one or both partners will end up with only some of what they want. This often leads to bitterness that usually resurfaces in some other form. Thus, I believe that a compromise takes place when both partners consideration and trust is low. Would you agree that it's very hard to compromise when the passion is high?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's really forcing me to rethink my view.

 

[gundee123]

Something tells me we may be a control group for a study or book.

I could not help but smile when I read your comment. I promise you that if we are, I have nothing to do with it. Take care and please jump right in to our discussions.

 

[gundee123]

let your eyes closely follow the moving watch. Your eyes are growing sleepy...

seems to me that the people in your discussion groups, if fighting after discussing the details of what makes a good marriage, might not be qualified to speak on the subject.

Thank you for response. I think that you have made a good point. On the contrary, I did not realize that their might be any qualifications to get into these discussion groups. If so, then I probably don't qualify either. Nonetheless, I just enjoy reading interesting points of view from others, including yours.

Thanks again for your comment.

 

[Mango]

On the other hand, I think that you will agree that sometimes married people can become so passion about an issue that there is no compromise. In these instances, I think that someone should have the ultimate decision making power that will be respected by the other partner. If there is true consideration on the part of the person making the ultimate decision and real trust on the part of the other partner, the problem could be resolve with love. However, if the couple decide for a compromise, then one or both partners will end up with only some of what they want. This often leads to bitterness that usually resurfaces in some other form. Thus, I believe that a compromise takes place when both partners consideration and trust is low. Would you agree that it's very hard to compromise when the passion is high?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's really forcing me to rethink my view.

What you've written sounds very much like the poo poo we heard in
pre-cana (sp?) the Catholic church preaches prior to a church wedding. That the man should make the decisions and the woman should be respectful and nod her head.

I do believe that one partner could become bitter if they are always the compromising partner. But in a healthy marriage, most partners generally have similar opinions views, and goals, and that is what brought them together in the first place.

IMO, one partner always taking the lead in decision making is akin to a monarchy and ultimately lead to an uprising.