My deepest sympathy. My brother died of lung cancer so I'm more aware of your situation than I would have chosen to be. Know that she's closer to you now than when she resided here physically. Take a walk on the beach and think of the good times you've shared--she'll be there with you. Remember the good times and laughter you've shared, especially during the Christmas season. If the roles were reversed, you would not want her to remember you in any other way--so honor her memory. Be especially open and aware of "odd" and wonderful things that happen when least expected (a shooting star, a dolphin jumping, a beautiful and perfect shell), it's her way of letting you know she's with you. Happy Holidays. Shel.