Locals Unite in the Spirit of Divisiveness
Heavens, I stay off the board for a few days and look what you people have sunk to.
What are we supposed to convey from this thread? SoWal: You are either with us, or you just visit us occasionally. How lame and uninspiring. Pffft!
Well if we are going to goose step down this path lets at least do it right. Fortunately for you all, I have just polished up my dominatrix outfit and am ready to lead you down this path to a better SoWal!
First: Let?s review: In a world of 5 billion people, how the hell are we going to co-exist unless we first categorize, pre-define, and then divide ourselves into manageable clumps?
Second: Locals vs. Tourists
Now; since everyone agrees that a person?s validity only starts once they have crossed south of the 331 bridge, let?s first categorize and identify the visitors.
And just how are we going to identify these SoWal wanna-bees? Oh sure, there are the old stand bys: look for the pasty white folks, out of state plates, or the way they mispronounce Alys; but clearly we need a better way to pick ?em out. Let?s require that all tourists wear arm bands, say with a yellow starfish on it to identify them. So we will know who to be rude to while waiting in line for our grilled oyster po-boys.
Ok, now let?s simply define what these tourists are all about; although it is plainly obvious. They are all slow driving, bicycle in my way riding, hogging all the good parking spaces, littering on my beach, eating my paneed chicken, stomping on my sea oates, lazy ass pseudo-foreign sub-locals. They have NO redeeming qualities, at all.
And finally we need to quarantine them on a small plot of land to keep them out of the locals? hair. How about Camp Creek? We can concentrate all the tourists in Concentration Camp Creek and wall ?em in.
Problem solved!
Third: Now we turn our attention to other annoying issues like race, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, politics, and Tv viewing preferences ? We?ll simply define what the proper SoWaller needs to look, act, and think like and set about cleansing ourselves of the rabble.
Sud Walton Uber Ales!
Meet me at the Seaside Amphitheater Tuesday evening for a South Walton Tourist Guidebook Burning Party!
:funn: 
