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An elderly Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

Replies

819
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#227
Trump would lose to a dead cat.
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#2281
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#229
A lady in her mid twenties climbs the bus, slightly out of breath and with bright pink cheeks.

All the seats are full. She looks at the gentleman sitting closest to her, and says: "Are you not going to give your seat to a pregnant woman?"

Blushing, the man stands up. "Sorry, I had not noticed..."

As she sits, he looks at her. There are really no signs of a protruding tummy... He asks: "How long have you been pregnant?"

"Fifteen minutes. My legs are still shaking..."
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#2301
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#2311
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#2321
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#2331
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#2341
:floor::floor::floor:

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#2381
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#2391
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#2401
Hillary email.jpg
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#2421
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#245
Bicycle Wreck

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express
praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil,
had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help
him. You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation
as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain.
We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to
piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire
around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in congregation
cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible
surgery performed on Phil. "Now," she announced in a quivering
voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors
say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked
if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "Hi, I'm Phil." The entire congregation
held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."
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#246
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#2471
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#248
Thar would have been edgy humor in the middle ages.
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#2491
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#250
I was going to post a photo of "Morality for Dummies", but I couldn't find my Bible.
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#251
That's the best you've got? :lol:
Weaksauce.

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