Misty avatar
Banned
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An elderly Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

Replies

819
Beach Lover
#252
View attachment 63024

Just a reminder Lars, but Donald is due in court next month on racketeering and child rape charges. How many of Donald's recorded conversations of sexual predatory behavior will come up at the rape trial? “Emotionally troubled young girls are the best in bed” “I’ll be dating her in ten years” talking about a ten year old girl. Recorded saying he thought a twelve year old Paris Hilton was attractive but since he was friends with her parents and all. He did say that he watched her infamous sex tape later on. Some friend indeed. Bragging that buying the Miss Universe pageant franchise entitled him to walk in the dressing room of contestants including the Miss Teen USA-fifteen year old girls. Being famous entitled him to grab women by the p***y. That is the definition of sexual assault and you post some stupid photo shop of Hillary going to prison. Jeez

Edited

PoppaJ avatar
SoWal Insider
#253
That's the best you've got? :lol:
Weaksauce.
Few things more pitiful than a fool who isn't funny laughing at his own failed humor.
Beach Fanatic
#2542
If I was Hillary...I'd be concerned...

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Apparently so... :lol:

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ottomatik avatar
Beach Fanatic
#256
50 Shades of Grey for Seniors

Back and forth . . ..
Back and forth . . ..
In and out . . . .
In and out . . . .
A little to the right ..
A little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her breasts . . . .
And, trickling down the small of her back . . . .
She was getting near to the end.
He was in ecstasy . . . .
With a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . .
Forwards then backwards. . . .
Forward then backward. . . .
Again . . . .
and again . . . .
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . .softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . .
Finally . . . .totally exhausted . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . .
"OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park. You do it!"
ottomatik avatar
Beach Fanatic
#257
50 Shades of Grey for Seniors

Back and forth . . ..
Back and forth . . ..
In and out . . . .
In and out . . . .
A little to the right ..
A little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her breasts . . . .
And, trickling down the small of her back . . . .
She was getting near to the end.
He was in ecstasy . . . .
With a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . .
Forwards then backwards. . . .
Forward then backward. . . .
Again . . . .
and again . . . .
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . .softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . .
Finally . . . .totally exhausted . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . .
"OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park. You do it!"
Beach Fanatic
#2581
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Leader of the Banned avatar
Beach Fanatic
#259
View attachment 63259

Hillary won the popular vote. If you were to show shades of purple, the map wouldn't look anything like that.
PoppaJ avatar
SoWal Insider
#260
Hillary won the popular vote. If you were to show shades of purple, the map wouldn't look anything like that.
True, every state would be varying shades of purple. Republicans believe acreage equals votes. We see this every election.
Beach Fanatic
#261
Hillary won the popular vote. If you were to show shades of purple, the map wouldn't look anything like that.
Sure. If it makes you feel better. Go with that. :lol:
Leader of the Banned avatar
Beach Fanatic
#262
Sure. If it makes you feel better. Go with that. :lol:

Truth and accuracy doesn't feel better, it is better.
Beach Fanatic
#2631
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Leader of the Banned avatar
Beach Fanatic
#264
Beach Fanatic
#2651
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Beach Fanatic
#2671
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Lake View Too avatar
SoWal Insider
#2681
IMG_5272.JPG
Leader of the Banned avatar
Beach Fanatic
#269
Lake View Too avatar
SoWal Insider
#270
I never thought the world was flat...I thought it was an F sharp.
Leader of the Banned avatar
Beach Fanatic
#271
Beach Fanatic
#2721
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Beach Fanatic
#2731
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ottomatik avatar
Beach Fanatic
#276
APHORISMS

* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

* Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

* The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

* Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

* Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

* Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

* Two wrongs are only the beginning.

* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

* Change is inevitable.... except from vending machines.

* Don't sweat petty things.... or pet sweaty things.

* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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