counseling/therapy for elderly parent??

[Teresa Cline]

this is difficult but I have come to the conclusion there is nothing more I can do to help with my elderly parents and what I think must be some kind of depression/anxiety attacks, it's time for professional help.
Does anyone have experience or knowledge of local counselors/psychotherapists dealing with this kind of thing?....I am at my wits end!

 

[Rudyjohn]

I would begin with talking with their primary physicians. Or yours. I feel for you. It is soooo hard to deal with. Be strong, be compassionate, and persevere.
Good luck.

 

[Teresa Cline]

I would begin with talking with their primary physicians. Or yours. I feel for you. It is soooo hard to deal with. Be strong, be compassionate, and persevere.
Good luck.

Thank you !
problem is I can not get her to go willingly, her primary physician is at Eglin and I cant make this appointment that's why I am asking for others experience with local counselors.
I am at the point of making ultimatums for something to be done,,,,but I don't know what to do, or where to take her. we (sister) have had her to 4 local physicians looking for the reasons for her mental/physical decline and physically all tests say she's healthy so there has to be a reason for her off the wall behavior and the only part that hasnt been examined is mental-emotional.

 

[Rudyjohn]

Thank you !
problem is I can not get her to go willingly, her primary physician is at Eglin and I cant make this appointment that's why I am asking for others experience with local counselors.
I am at the point of making ultimatums for something to be done,,,,but I don't know what to do, or where to take her. we (sister) have had her to 4 local physicians looking for the reasons for her mental/physical decline and physically all tests say she's healthy so there has to be a reason for her off the wall behavior and the only part that hasnt been examined is mental-emotional.

I'm sorry, I should've been more explicit. I meant you should call her dr. and speak with them directly, even make an app't for a one on one (w/out either of your parents). They should advise you and put you in touch with the appropriate specialists.

I had to do just this very thing 8 - 10 yrs ago when my dad was living in Fla, Marianna to be exact. I had some very helpful docs who seemed to want to go that extra mile. They sensed my desperation. But it DID take a one on one appt. At least it helped get me started. Eventually, one thing leads to another, things begin to fall into place.

Her docs will know her past medical history, etc., there may be something awry. Blood tests should be done.

And you WILL have to be strong and temporarily asume the parental position. (Keep your armor on because she'll accuse you of everything under the sun - ha!)

 

[scooterbug44]

Does she go to church? A minister/priest can be a good counseling resource and is often more acceptable than an unknown therapist, especially to older people.

I find it odd that the 4 doctors did no testing to check her mental acuity, especially when you told them you had noted a marked charge in her.

Grandma Scooterbug has anxiety issues and a big part of it is not enabling her, nipping worries in the bud, and focusing on positive things instead. It means more work for you, but it can be quite helpful when you take care of the major details - travel arrangements, appointments, financials etc. or preempt their worrying about something by planning ahead so you can head them off at the pass.

Also on the list is turning off the TV news (Wall Street Journal, radio, and a local paper are good substitutes for the hysteria inducing television broadcasts) and taking away the "potential side effects" info from the pharmacy - it's practically an instruction manual for obsessing/worrying, especially if there are already hypochondriac tendencies. :roll:

 

[GoodWitch58]

Thank you !
problem is I can not get her to go willingly, her primary physician is at Eglin and I cant make this appointment that's why I am asking for others experience with local counselors.
I am at the point of making ultimatums for something to be done,,,,but I don't know what to do, or where to take her. we (sister) have had her to 4 local physicians looking for the reasons for her mental/physical decline and physically all tests say she's healthy so there has to be a reason for her off the wall behavior and the only part that hasnt been examined is mental-emotional.

You can't meet with her doctor because he/she is a military doctor and you are not military...is that right?

If that is the case, then, I would consult with your own primary physician and seek his/her advice. They might be able to intervene doctor to doctor for you.

When faced with a similar situation (no military docs involved) my siblings and I met as a group--there are four of us; and decided who would be our spokesperson, who then consulted with my parents' doctor; afterwards the doctor was kind enough to have a group meeting with all four of us, and he laid out a plan of action. It was difficult and took some time, but we finally got to a place where the right medication and some behavior change on our part, make a huge difference. Not all rosey even now, but much, much better. Good luck to you--it is a very difficult situation to be in.

 

[Beach Runner]

this is difficult but I have come to the conclusion there is nothing more I can do to help with my elderly parents and what I think must be some kind of depression/anxiety attacks, it's time for professional help.
Does anyone have experience or knowledge of local counselors/psychotherapists dealing with this kind of thing?....I am at my wits end!

I thought my Mom needed a shrink. She was acting crazy and saying really hateful things and acting inappropriately in public.

Now I have learned that it was just the early stages of dementia and Alzheimer's. My guess is that your parents don't need psychotherapy -- they need to see their internist for Namenda and Exelon and perhaps a chill pill if they are being aggressive. As I have come to understand, Alzheimer's is much more than memory loss -- it involves hateful and strange behaviors and a lack of functionality (like forgetting to swallow when eating or taking meds) at end stage.

It will be quite a learning experience for you as a caregiver, as it has been for me. Take care of yourself, and try to be understanding with them, even though it takes the patience of a saint, regardless of how much you love them.

I am here for you if you need advice. Just PM me.

 

[Teresa Cline]

I thought my Mom needed a shrink. She was acting crazy and saying really hateful things and acting inappropriately in public.

Now I have learned that it was just the early stages of dementia and Alzheimer's. My guess is that your parents don't need psychotherapy -- they need to see their internist for Namenda and Exelon and perhaps a chill pill if they are being aggressive. As I have come to understand, Alzheimer's is much more than memory loss -- it involves hateful and strange behaviors and a lack of functionality (like forgetting to swallow when eating or taking meds) at end stage.

It will be quite a learning experience for you as a caregiver, as it has been for me. Take care of yourself, and try to be understanding with them, even though it takes the patience of a saint, regardless of how much you love them.

I am here for you if you need advice. Just PM me.

thank you Beach Runner.

I think this is what it is...maybe not Alzheimer but some kind of dementia, She does act crazy,,,she gets on a "LOOP" of some kind and gets wiggy, says things that are irrational...like she cant get her groceries b/c the sun hurts her skin....and I tell her wear a long sleeve shirt but she cant get off the loop of this no matter how much you try to tell her that she wont be in the sun more than from the car to the store.. Truthfully I think she enjoys being the center of attention, getting me or my sister all worked up, she even seems to enjoy the "upset ness" of her irrational behavior, if that makes any sense. She WILL NOT follow through with anything all 4 local doctors have tried to treat her with. We have tried everything from medications for mysterious illnesses (unfounded by all the testing) to approaching it holistically. These "serious" ailments seem to go away after she has run everyone through the ringer over them. She is capable of taking care of herself and absolutely refuses any kind of hired help, is suspicious of our opinion that she needs someone to help her emotional issues...she refuses to believe her behavior is irrational.
But her behavior is irrational. she actually sounds wiggy,,,yesterday she had a meltdown in the morning as she was going out to get groceries, it escalated into a full blown what she calls "panic attacks" and when I try to talk her out of it she gets on another loop about something unrelated,and you CAN NOT calm her down unless you do want she want RIGHT NOW...yesterday it was going after her groceries. When I said I could not drop everything and go it got ugly...probably my fault as I have very little patience with being manipulated. She ended calling my about a dozen times throughout the day leaving messages on my service in a pitiful voice....about please go get her groceries...then by evening she has switched modes and is leaving messages like "hi its MOM just checking on you" in a cheery voice to a hateful message at 7:30 this morning demanding to know why I HATE HER SO MUCH. (and she is never up that early,,,,most of the time you cant talk to her till 9am.)
I am really struggling with all of this....is this normal?

 

[Rudyjohn]

thank you Beach Runner.

I think this is what it is...maybe not Alzheimer but some kind of dementia, She does act crazy,,,she gets on a "LOOP" of some kind and gets wiggy, says things that are irrational...like she cant get her groceries b/c the sun hurts her skin....and I tell her wear a long sleeve shirt but she cant get off the loop of this no matter how much you try to tell her that she wont be in the sun more than from the car to the store.. Truthfully I think she enjoys being the center of attention, getting me or my sister all worked up, she even seems to enjoy the "upset ness" of her irrational behavior, if that makes any sense. She WILL NOT follow through with anything all 4 local doctors have tried to treat her with. We have tried everything from medications for mysterious illnesses (unfounded by all the testing) to approaching it holistically. These "serious" ailments seem to go away after she has run everyone through the ringer over them. She is capable of taking care of herself and absolutely refuses any kind of hired help, is suspicious of our opinion that she needs someone to help her emotional issues...she refuses to believe her behavior is irrational.
But her behavior is irrational. she actually sounds wiggy,,,yesterday she had a meltdown in the morning as she was going out to get groceries, it escalated into a full blown what she calls "panic attacks" and when I try to talk her out of it she gets on another loop about something unrelated,and you CAN NOT calm her down unless you do want she want RIGHT NOW...yesterday it was going after her groceries. When I said I could not drop everything and go it got ugly...probably my fault as I have very little patience with being manipulated. She ended calling my about a dozen times throughout the day leaving messages on my service in a pitiful voice....about please go get her groceries...then by evening she has switched modes and is leaving messages like "hi its MOM just checking on you" in a cheery voice to a hateful message at 7:30 this morning demanding to know why I HATE HER SO MUCH. (and she is never up that early,,,,most of the time you cant talk to her till 9am.)
I am really struggling with all of this....is this normal?

Wow... has your mother ever been the "needy" type? Or is ALL of this new? If you don't mind, how old is she? Could she have had a stroke of some sort, something that drastically alters her behavior?
Gotta get a dr involved here.

 

[Teresa Cline]

I'm sorry, I should've been more explicit. I meant you should call her dr. and speak with them directly, even make an app't for a one on one (w/out either of your parents). They should advise you and put you in touch with the appropriate specialists.

I had to do just this very thing 8 - 10 yrs ago when my dad was living in Fla, Marianna to be exact. I had some very helpful docs who seemed to want to go that extra mile. They sensed my desperation. But it DID take a one on one appt. At least it helped get me started. Eventually, one thing leads to another, things begin to fall into place.

Her docs will know her past medical history, etc., there may be something awry. Blood tests should be done.

And you WILL have to be strong and temporarily asume the parental position. (Keep your armor on because she'll accuse you of everything under the sun -
ha!)

My parents primary care Dr. is at Eglin and I dont know who he is and at this point if I asked Mom I know she wouldnt tell me.
The first one I took her to was my Dr. and that was the start of her finding something wrong with the Dr. or his treatment...there was 3 others from that point on. Every test showed she is healthy...absolutely ...all were surprised their testing showed not a thing wrong....She has always been healthy as a horse physically...at 74 the only thing wrong is she has osteoporosis,,