Donna, I respectfully disagree with your notion that divorce laws are written by men for men. While, yes, most have probably been written by men since they've dominated the legal profession historically, I would say (at least in the State of Georgia) that divorce laws are written for women.
My personal belief is that responsible, attentive divorced dads have been rare over the years in this state (a large percentage don't pay their child support and simply disappear) so the system unduly penalizes those divorced dads who do want to be part of their kids' lives and who do pay child support in full and on-time. The percentages per-child are brutal -- and they're based on gross income so you also get to pay the taxes over and above the amount being garnished from your paycheck and going directly into your ex's bank account.
Even the state legislature has begun to acknowledge the inequity in the laws by introducing bills during the last two sessions that would balance financial responsibility more appropriately. Of course, politicians being politicians, the legislation got hung up in committee and nothing has been changed -- yet.
I paid $369,000 in child support over 16 years for two kids. I paid all medical/dental/eyewear insurance premiums for 14 years. I paid for half of their college expenses which I didn't have to do (but I would have done, anyway). I gave her 2/3 of the house and only took possessions that were clearly mine. She got $150,000 of my 401k at the time (50%) and still came after me every two years to increase the child support.
She also made every effort to alienate my kids from me (i.e., booking back-to-back camps throughout the summer so I could never exercise the two, two-week stretches of visitation that I was entitled to each summer ... saying the kids were sick on my visitation weekends ... etc.). I had to have her arrested for barging into my house once and shoving my second wife -- long after we were divorced. Somehow, the charge was quietly dismissed by an assistant prosecutor who was fired shortly afterward. (Her dad is an influential cardiologist and his connections have worked conveniently over years.)
It took four years to get divorced as she somehow found ways to legally un-do the first two signed agreements which, to this day, amazes me. (Again, thanks, Daddy.) Oh, and along the way, I spent over $70,000 in legal fees -- all this from a woman who was the one who actually filed for the divorce. We both wanted out but she did the filing.
Even after doing the math and considering all the headaches over the years, it was the best decision I ever made. I love my second wife and have been happily remarried for 13 years. So, while my circumstances likely aren't typical, I hope you can understand why I don't agree with your perspective. The system allows a vindictive woman to cause havoc. It does.
Oh, did I mention that she isn't a fundamentally happy person?
