Thx everyone for the kind words and support. It really means a lot...
I'm really struggling with this. I have never experienced emotional pain of this magnitude. I have had loved ones (human) succomb to terminal illness. And it hurt something terrible. But with them there was an element of relief- like part of me was glad that it "was over" when they passed. But I don't feel any relief at all that AbbyGal is gone. My pain isn't over and in many ways it feels like it is just beginning. I just want her here so badly.
A close friend of mine told me there would be an element of beauty in her passing and that I would experience what he called "exquisite love". At first I didn't get what he was saying but now I understand it.
So much love has come out of me for her. Granted a lot of it feels like it is being ripped out in the form of grief and sadness. But the love is just so big and pure.
I am grateful that we had the time we did and that I got to tell her what she meant to me and I said my goodbyes. But I still long for more time with her.
I don't know if there is a heaven. I hope there is on some level. I told her that as long as there is and we are both there that she should let everyone else know that she is to be the one to greet me when I get there.
I love you so much, AbbyGal. I'm glad you're not suffering but I miss you so badly that I can't stand it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. There is nothing quite like the pain of losing a beloved pet, especially after nursing them through the suffering of the end. Your friend was right about the pure love that you will feel as you deal with this...it is painful, but it gets better with time. A good a smart friend told me to give myself permission to mourn, and that was the best advise. After two or three days, I felt silly that I wanted to cry and be sad -- it was just a pet. That pet was my heart, and a big part of my life for 14 years. I mourned as long as I needed to...and I encourage you to do the same.
So sorry Geo. I have lost a furry loved one and I agree with Skunk. It's OK to grieve and you should allow yourself that. I still miss Sarge and always will. Prayers, hugs and love to you. It will get better.
I lost my 15 year old eskimo after a botched surgery. It hurt much worse than when my husband walked out after 30 years. I'll always miss her and hold her in my heart (it's been 2 years). Will say a prayer for you. Take as long as you need for mourning.
Geo, I am so sorry. I wish there were some magic words to lessen your pain. Skunky is right, only time and allowing yourself to grieve as long as you need will do that. And while the pain will eventually diminish, know that the love will always be there.
You're sadness has brought me to tears and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a beloved dog, also, (my first) and was stunned by the emptiness that followed. It was more painful than I had ever imagined.
I believe it's so painful because we connect with our dogs on a much higher level of consciousness, one that involves all our senses. We feel our dogs love, without them ever speaking a word. We rarely tap into this in any other relationship, so we feel it in ways we never feel when losing a human friend or loved one. I really do believe our souls become one with our animals, and they with us, so take care and grieve for the part of yourself that you have lost, and may time heal your heart.
Geo, so sorry for your loss. An animal loss is really tough. I think it's because the relationship is all about the physical presence and nothing more. I can be away from a person for quite a while and still connect with him/her by phone, e-mail, letters. I'm O.K with this because we can still be communicating. It's not the same as being around them, but it helps. I might go a year without seeing certain loved ones without feeling too badly about it. On the other hand, if I'm away from my pets for a couple of weeks, it really sucks. I can't just call them and see how they're doing. They have to be there, I have to see them, hear them, pet them, hug them, it's an absolute must.
These are just my thoughts on why an animal loss can rival that of a person. Another thing is the sense of innocence. I really doubt that there is any evil in the animal world. They don't have ill intent. It's usually been unconditional love.