Just a Funny
- Thread starter Misty
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THINGS TO PONDER....
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing,
I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
My husband says I never listen to him...... At least I think that's what he said.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing,
I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
My husband says I never listen to him...... At least I think that's what he said.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Man Down In Aisle 5
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Publix
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife.
They carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $40 jar of face
Cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.”
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Publix
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife.
They carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $40 jar of face
Cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.”
Man Down In Aisle 5
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Publix
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife.
They carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $40 jar of face
Cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.”
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Publix
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife.
They carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $40 jar of face
Cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.”
