OhioBeachBum said:
Now that is some good stuff. :clap_1:Control is only perceived anyway.
Philosophy for Life - What is Yours?
- Thread starter Smiling JOe
- Start date
-
Trouble logging in? Send us a message with your username and/or email address for help.
Now that is some good stuff. :clap_1:Control is only perceived anyway.
...and inevitably transient (whether in perception or fact).Smiling JOe said:
OK, here's my 2 cents on giving more than getting. Reciprocity is a form of influence. In other words, people who give more tend to get more because it's human nature to help people who have helped you before. So, the most influential people -- the people who get the most support from others -- tend to be givers not takers. Consider how grateful people were to Kurt, Smiling Joe, and others who took photos of people's houses and gave information after the hurricane. I believe SJ, Kurt, and others took photos and gave updates to be helpful and for no other reason. Yet, in response, either could run for office and have a lot of support because (1) people appreciate givers and want givers not takers in office; and (2) people will want to repay their kindness in some way.
There are 6 universal forms of influence: reciprocity (the more you give the more you get); liking (people tend to support people they like); authority (people tend to believe experts and people in authority); Consensus (people tend to follow the crowd); scarcity (people want what they believe is scarce or unique); and commitment (people tend to follow-through on commitments, so if they make a small commitment they'll often commit to something even bigger down the road). This is from some great research on the 6 universal forms of influence by Professor Robert Cialdini in Arizona. It's fun and useful stuff.
For example, if Kurt or anyone wants to make up a poster to influence people to stay off the dunes, then it would be useful to consider these forms of influence in the design of the poster. Also, the use of the word, "Because" tends to gain support (e.g., stay off the dunes because...). A few changes in wording can gain support that one wouldn't have otherwise.
These techniques can be used for good or evil, of course (both Martin Luther King and Hitler probably used them all in one way or another but for different ends) -- I even hate to put those two people in the same sentence... Clearly, one can use influence techniques ethically or unethically.
There are 6 universal forms of influence: reciprocity (the more you give the more you get); liking (people tend to support people they like); authority (people tend to believe experts and people in authority); Consensus (people tend to follow the crowd); scarcity (people want what they believe is scarce or unique); and commitment (people tend to follow-through on commitments, so if they make a small commitment they'll often commit to something even bigger down the road). This is from some great research on the 6 universal forms of influence by Professor Robert Cialdini in Arizona. It's fun and useful stuff.
For example, if Kurt or anyone wants to make up a poster to influence people to stay off the dunes, then it would be useful to consider these forms of influence in the design of the poster. Also, the use of the word, "Because" tends to gain support (e.g., stay off the dunes because...). A few changes in wording can gain support that one wouldn't have otherwise.
These techniques can be used for good or evil, of course (both Martin Luther King and Hitler probably used them all in one way or another but for different ends) -- I even hate to put those two people in the same sentence... Clearly, one can use influence techniques ethically or unethically.
Great stuff Paula...I am printing this off and sharing with others (as well as reading it often myself). Thank you.
How did you know that I am going to run for office? Did I say that? I meant to say run from the office. 
Seriously, good points and well taken. I have a new sand dund education thought in place which I will post later to get feedback.
Seriously, good points and well taken. I have a new sand dund education thought in place which I will post later to get feedback.
Thank you Paula. Your words were just the push I needed today- I'm filling out volunteer forms for my son's school. Sometimes our lives just seem "so busy" (don't you hate it when people say that?) and it's hard to remember to do more things for others when it is hard to organize one damn day. So I'm going to start with some middle school kids, who probably need it more than most!
And I think I will print our your words as well and post them on the fridge where I am sure to see them often!
And I think I will print our your words as well and post them on the fridge where I am sure to see them often!
I'm not really trying to control the situation, I guess I feel like I have more control over myself. I'm not playing any games with her either, I've always been honest about what I think or feel. I dont like liars and I'm always honest. To see her really thinking about whats going on and what she might lose has been interesting.
What have I learned from all this? No one has control over relationships, feelings, love, etc. The best thing to do in a situation like mine is to not try so damn hard to make something happen when its not the right time. You need to chill and let things happen as they will. After all, they're is nothing you can do about it anyway!
No offense taken by the Days of Our Lives comment! It's almost be commical to me too. And its nice to have unbiased opinions from you guys! I can only talk to my roommates so much about it before the opinions get off track.
What have I learned from all this? No one has control over relationships, feelings, love, etc. The best thing to do in a situation like mine is to not try so damn hard to make something happen when its not the right time. You need to chill and let things happen as they will. After all, they're is nothing you can do about it anyway!
No offense taken by the Days of Our Lives comment! It's almost be commical to me too. And its nice to have unbiased opinions from you guys! I can only talk to my roommates so much about it before the opinions get off track.
Hang in there MikeB. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and you will come out even stronger if you remember your lessons learned.
Glad people like the ideas about the 6 universal forms of influence. One of the greatest forms of sustainable and ethical influence is to help others and to show appreciation to others when they help you (in other words, do not take people's help for granted and do not feel entitled -- those are real "turn offs"). Again, the ideas are from a wonderfully entertaining research called Robert Cialdini. His very popular book (slightly academic but not excessively so) is called "Influence: Science and Practice". I don't think it's beach reading, though...
That Dali Lama (sp!) was one smart cookie. I try to live by all his suggestions but #17 is a tough one! Going somewhere new at least once a year? I have a hard time pulling myself away from my two favorite places on earth: Florida and France! I think I could happily spend my life ferrying between home and there, and not feel like I've overdone it.