Should we read our kids' text messages?

[bluemtnrunner]

I feel your pain. Here's a similar thread I started before you joined the board I believe. Maybe it will help a bit. It's tough. Good luck.

Invasion of privacy ?

I read the old thread...Oh my goodness, I'm guilty of restarting a potential firestorm. MY contrived drama is giving ME a headache.
No really, I'm glad to see that there was so much discussion then and now.


I am actually very interested in seeing how the thread here and the one on facebook compare.

 

[bluemtnrunner]

As for what this boy is saying, I really hope you daughter finds someone better. The fact that he is taking this sort of attitude with his girlfriends mother shows that he clearly has no respect for you or her. Let her know that I vote for new boyfriend.

All in favor of a new boyfriend say AYE

 

[Matt J]

All in favor of a new boyfriend say AYE

AYE

I'm confused by that banned smiley, is that the boyfriend or me?

 

[NoHall]

I read the thread...Oh my goodness, I'm guilty of restarting a potential firestorm. MY contrived drama is giving ME a headache.


I am actually very interested in seeing how the thread here and the one on facebook compare.

I think it's a good thing to keep talking about, though. With kids it's so easy to set up an "us vs. them" mentality on both sides. I know that I'm constantly having to remind my students that I'm not the enemy--my sole function is to further them along in their lives. I think it's even harder with parents and children. (Duh--I work at a boarding school! Lots of these kids and parents have no idea how to function together!)

The cool part about your story is what you said about your daughter a couple of posts up--that she isn't stamping her feet over it. She sounds like a level-headed girl. My guess is that if you keep the lines of communication open between the two of you, it will pan out in the end.

 

[bluemtnrunner]

AYE

I'm confused by that banned smiley, is that the boyfriend or me?

All fixed...sorry for the confusion.

 

[Rudyjohn]

I read the old thread...Oh my goodness, I'm guilty of restarting a potential firestorm. MY contrived drama is giving ME a headache.
No really, I'm glad to see that there was so much discussion then and now.


I am actually very interested in seeing how the thread here and the one on facebook compare.

in the end you know what you're doing is correct, you just need a bit of confirmation in the midst of the confusion.

And fwiw, my son and this current girlfriend are slowly breaking up - all's well that ends well. Then it starts all over again!

 

[bluemtnrunner]

As it turns out, after reading all of yesterday's texts and today's events (there were emails to me from the boy), my daughter is not speaking to him. She, the other kid I texted and her best friend are a bit stunned by this guy's behavior. She isn't ready to breakup with him but she is definitely seeing him through different eyes.
Luckily he lives four hours away so he can't swoop in and woo her, she has some time to process all of this.
Maybe I did do the right thing afterall.


Johnrudy, where is that teenage son of yours, maybe we divert them both!

 

[iwishiwasthere]

Hang in there!! Unfortunately no certain rules to parenting. Do what you think is right and be willing to change or bend if it was a mistake. Humbleness goes a long way in a relationship. Most of all let keep talking and let them know you care and love them...without preaching. Sounds like you are well on your way.

As for the after hours texts, the rules were broken and that was the consequences. That is life. Children have to learn (as adults know) that for every action there will be a reaction. She sounds like a good kid so give keep believing in her.

 

[scooterbug44]

My parents' position was that they trusted you until something happened to betray that trust and then it was Gestapo time. They were big fans of "you're a kid, you have no rights" and "privileges must be earned". If they confiscated my phone and it rang at 5 am, all hell would have broken lose - even without the message content being of concern.

I wouldn't have responded to those early AM texts, but agree with everything else you've done. Boyfriend sounds like scum.

 

[livingiSoWal]

Yes, i think my girlfriends mom would beat me if I responded to her like that. Put the fear in him. My girl friends mom is only 5'3'' and I am afraid of her. I can't give my .02 on ready the texts though because I do not have kids, and my parents never did it to me.