I will be bringing to the beach with me:
We're Just Like You, Only Prettier; Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle by Celia Rivenbark
Same Author as Bless Your Heart, Tramp and other Southern Endearments.
I will leave it with you Tootsie, to pass on to all the "other Tramps". ;-)
Let me just share the Table of Contents with you. It is long, but read all of them, FUNNY!!!!!
Part 1. The Southern Family, and no we don't marry our cousins-unless, of course, they got cable.
1. Stop Watching Your Plasma TV and Start Selling Your Plasma!
How to Become Honest-to-Jesus White Trash
2. Baby Born Won't Poop
How a Constipated Doll Baby Sabotaged the Hap-Hap-Happiest Time of the Year
3. There's a Hair in My Bacon Grease
Why the Greatest Generation is Rinsing Out Ziploc Bags and Eating Ptomaine Turkey
4. Mama and Them, Precious and Dahlin'
Why the Sapranos Could Never Survive Down South.
5. Here Comes the Bride
Let's Just Get "Em Hitched Somtime Before We See the Head
6. Where Were You When the Stringbean Passed?
A Real Southerner Would Know the Answer to That Question
Part 2: Kids; Jusst Because They Don't Have Gills Doesn't Mean They're Human.
1. Chuck E. Cheese's
Where a Kid Can Be a Kid While Mommie Gets Hammered on Watered-
Down Bud Light
2. "And What Did You Have for Breakfast Dear?"
Tell the Preschool Nazis You Had Waffles and Eggs, 'Stead of Juicy Fruit
and a Coke, Okay?
3. "Sorry I Can't Make It to the Recital"
I'm Planning to Poke Myself in the Eye with a Sharp Stick that night
4. "Your Kid's Fever Is So High, the Others Are Standing Around Her with
Marshmallows on Sticks"
How My Day at the Spa Went Up Sheeit Creek
5. Preschool Already?
Why We'd Rather Stay Home, Chew Gum, and Not Share a Little Longer
6. "Psst- Wanna Buy Some Really Ugly Gift Wrap?"
Training Tykes to Be Telemarketers for Fun and Profit.
7. How to Be a Hands-On Parent Using Field Trips, Dead Butterflies, and
Beefaroni
Part 3: Couples Therapy, Southern Style; Lord, Please Don't Let Me Kill Him Till The House Is Paid For
1. "Papa, Don't Preach"
You'r Late for Church, Got Mary Kay on Half Your Face, and He's Honking in the Carport.
2. "Never Saw 'Em Before in My Life"
What to Say at the Wedding Reception When Hubby's Dressed Your Kid in Batman Sweats and Tweety Bird Swim Socks
3. Study Says Men Listen with Half Their Brains
They Use the other Half for Caulk
4. Big Screen, Big Tallywacker
Shoot, Everybody Knows That
5. Sick of Seeing Men at Those "Couples" Baby Showers?
Tell 'Em About the Time You Lost Your Mucus Plug in the Winn-Dixie
Part 4: The Southern Woman
1. Scientists Discover Fat Virus!
How I Went from Diet, Exercise, and Giving a Sheeit to Gnawing 99 cent Turky Legs at the Stop-n-go
2. I Drum "Em on My Desk and and They Click Like a Poolde on Pergo
The Dirty Little Secret of Manicure Addiction and Other American Beauty Rituals
3. Mother's Day Memories
Make Mine Macaroni
4. "What We Havin' For Dinner Tonight, Sugar Booger?"
And Other Wildly Important Uses for the Cell Phone
5. Real Simple Magazine: Meet Manwich, the Working Girl's Best Friend
How to Feng-Shui Your Way To Divorce Court
6. Screw the Wisdom of Menopause
7. Birthday Greetings from the Insurance Ghouls
Just Count the Rings Around My Stomach and Mail Me a Kate Spade Purse
Part 5: The Gravy on the Grits; Boobalicous Speaks Out
1. Stamp out Gossip?
My Best Friend's Mama's Sister's Hairdresser's Cousin Won't Like This A Bit
2. SUVs Eat the Ozone?
Hey, We All Gotta Eat Something and I Got Twenty-Seven Cup Holders
3. Feeling Squirrely
Why Clone Cats When There's Perfectly Good Russell Crowe Lying Around?
4. And Now a Word from the Cockpit...
"Harrummpha Lumpha Sheeee!"
5. This Just In from the Workplace
Everything Still Sucks
6. TV or Not TV
Oh, It's Never a Quesstion in My House
7. Cirrus, Schimirrus...They're All Just Puffy to Me
8. I am Boobalicious, Hear Me Roar
How Computer Hackers Ruined My Rep
9. Silly Lawsuits Could Clog a Toto
Or, How My Trash Cart Nearly Killed Me
oh lordy!
these books may contain some seriously good topics for lounge thread/material...
I hope she does not ruin the message.
Great Southern humor. 
