Teddy Ebersole

[peapod1980]

Not sure how many of you saw "Oprah" yesterday and/or remember in Nov. 2004 the plane crash that killed Teddy, the son of Dick Ebersole and Susan Saint James. The basic facts are that Dick, Teddy and an older son were in a plane crash, only 14-year-old Teddy died.

One thing it made me think of at the time is that we have friends who have one child, and they have vowed to never go away anywhere (on a trip, for example) without him. They are committed to this idea to the point of being superstitious. Last year, a group of us took a "couples" trip to Mexico. It was 3 couples plus this 2-year-old. I looked at their refusal to travel without him, looked at what happened to the Ebersoles and it all just reminded me that their are no guarantees; there are times you can take every precaution or think you've left no room for error, and the unthinkable happens. Then there are times you can act totally irresponsibly and suffer no consequences. Personally, I look at our friends and think they could feel so much freer if they realized this and stopped trying to control everything.

Which brings up a question--Does the feeling you're not in control of everything make you feel free or terrified?
Discuss amongst yourselves.

 

[imasunbum]

Not sure how many of you saw "Oprah" yesterday and/or remember in Nov. 2004 the plane crash that killed Teddy, the son of Dick Ebersole and Susan Saint James. The basic facts are that Dick, Teddy and an older son were in a plane crash, only 14-year-old Teddy died.

One thing it made me think of at the time is that we have friends who have one child, and they have vowed to never go away anywhere (on a trip, for example) without him. They are committed to this idea to the point of being superstitious. Last year, a group of us took a "couples" trip to Mexico. It was 3 couples plus this 2-year-old. I looked at their refusal to travel without him, looked at what happened to the Ebersoles and it all just reminded me that their are no guarantees; there are times you can take every precaution or think you've left no room for error, and the unthinkable happens. Then there are times you can act totally irresponsibly and suffer no consequences. Personally, I look at our friends and think they could feel so much freer if they realized this and stopped trying to control everything.

Which brings up a question--Does the feeling you're not in control of everything make you feel free or terrified?
Discuss amongst yourselves.

Peapod - I must admit, when it comes to my only child, my precious daughter, feeling like I am not in control terrifies me. I understand your friends' obssession. I really do. It may be stupid for us to feel like this, but that is how we feel. Try to be understanding with them - they simply can't help it.

 

[kathydwells]

I have one child. My precious 12 year old son. I do travel without him on occasion. I don't obsess about him not being with me all the time. I think it is important for ME to be able to have alone time, even if that means traveling out of town without him at times. That is not to say that I don't worry about something happening to him, or me for that matter while I am away, but I just tell him I love him before I go, and hope that nothing does happen.

 

[peapod1980]

It may be stupid for us to feel like this, but that is how we feel. Try to be understanding with them - they simply can't help it.

No, I don't think it's stupid; as a parent, I can definitely understand where your feelings come from, no question.
And we are understanding with them. That's why I said I wish they could feel freer; not for my convenience but for their own peace of mind. It' just something I wish for them.

 

[peapod1980]

I think it is important for ME to be able to have alone time, even if that means traveling out of town without him at times. That is not to say that I don't worry about something happening to him, or me for that matter while I am away, but I just tell him I love him before I go, and hope that nothing does happen.

Oh, absolutely! I usually have a moment when we're away where I have some heart palpitations over the thought of something happening to us or them while we're away.

 

[CastlesOfSand]

I'm trying to let the reins out just a bit. I know I am way over protective when it comes to my kids. It just comes with the territory! My hubby and I do go on little get aways by ourselves though. My kids stay with either my mom or my mother in law so I don't worry to much about them. They are both over protective too!! The kids always have funn with them!

 

[dbuck]

We have an only child, he is 18 now. We do travel without him and let him travel without us, BUT I am terrified something will happen to him. For families with more than one child, I realize that one child cannot take the place of another child but if something happened to one of your children, you would still be a parent, when you have just one child - you life is over as you have known it. This is my greatest fear in life. I have to tell myself daily that I am not in control and I hate not being in control.

 

[CastlesOfSand]

We have an only child, he is 18 now. We do travel without him and let him travel without us, BUT I am terrified something will happen to him. For families with more than one child, I realize that one child cannot take the place of another child but if something happened to one of your children, you would still be a parent, when you have just one child - you life is over as you have known it. This is my greatest fear in life. I have to tell myself daily that I am not in control and I hate not being in control.

I hear ya!

 

[Jdarg]

Peapod - I must admit, when it comes to my only child, my precious daughter, feeling like I am not in control terrifies me. I understand your friends' obssession. I really do. It may be stupid for us to feel like this, but that is how we feel. Try to be understanding with them - they simply can't help it.

I feel very similar. I think my obssessiveness has evolved because we never had the opportunity (for several reasons) to travel without Will when he was little. So if we went out of town, he came with us. Kate is here now, and when we travel, we travel as a family. The 2 grandmothers could easily watch the kids at least for a weekend, but they both have "issues" that involve me either "paying" for it in advance or on the back end, and quite frankly, it is exhausting thinking about coordinating them. I have had some good college age girls recommended to me, and I may consider them as an option, although the first thing out of my mother's mouth will be "Are you and Bdarg on the same flight? Who is going to raise the kids if you both die?" And my own little neuroses will kick in and work their evil magic, and I will chicken out.:roll:

Which puts me back to where I started- afraid that if I'm not with them, I'm not in control.

Where is our resident SoWal therapist? Did all of our collective issues scare her off? Pea sounds like she could be good at this- maybe we should appoint her the new head shrink!

 

[peapod1980]

We have an only child, he is 18 now. We do travel without him and let him travel without us, BUT I am terrified something will happen to him. For families with more than one child, I realize that one child cannot take the place of another child but if something happened to one of your children, you would still be a parent, when you have just one child - you life is over as you have known it. This is my greatest fear in life. I have to tell myself daily that I am not in control and I hate not being in control.

In theory, I see what you're saying, but I look at it as once a parent, always a parent. It's a transition you make that is forever. Once you cross over, there's no going back.
I know you don't mean it this way, dbuck, but parents with more kids don't have "spares"; each child is so wildly different from the other, and each one would leave a hole in your life that only he/she could fill.
P.S. For the record, I asked this question for thought-provoking answers from all the SoWallers, not just the parents. I was really interested in the big picture--how does feeling out of control of the universe make you feel? :shock: Lots of room for interesting input...