A parent's gotta vent sometimes...

[Rita]

The other thing to consider is what the child is learning from the experience (and what you want your child to learn from the experience). There are many lessons for the child:

1. What to do when life is unfair (how to be gracious and still gain something -- even if it's not what one expected or wanted -- under unfair circumstances)
2. How to question/negotiate with authority respectfully.
3. How to know when to fight for something and when to let something go
4. How to get over things that aren't fair and move on
5. etc.

Our kids have had "bad" teachers and great teachers. Our policy at home is overall to teach the kids to respect the system (unless it's unethical or abusive or illegal, etc.) and to learn to earn the good will of authority figures so even if one situation doesn't go their way, they at least have the respect of the authority figure. And, when they're old enough, we hope they will have learned form some of these tough life lessons to learn when to fight, when to let things go, how to make up for things that go badly, how to turn "bad" into "good", when to move on, etc. It's so hard to know how to deal with these situations and even harder to see our children hurt. But it's going to happen throughout their lives and they need to develop skills for dealing with these situations in ways that are productive rather than destructive to them. It's hard...

Paula,
What you have expressed here is my husband's and my outlook also. Thank you for typing my thoughts!

Sueshore and Mermaid,
I'm there with you on It's called consequences at my house.
For that young college man, the consequences would unfortunately be really rough. A tough life lesson.

 

[Rita]

Oh stop! Please!

It's not the grades you make, it's the hands you shake boys and girls. ;-)

You know Kimmifunn, our kids should learn this as well as adults who haven't (including me ;-) ). I'm thinking right now, we'd better find a time and way to talk to Jackie about this. Trouble is neither of us are very good in this area. Help!

 

[Sheila]

Paula,
What you have expressed here is my husband's and my outlook also. Thank you for typing my thoughts!

Sueshore and Mermaid,
I'm there with you on It's called consequences at my house.
For that young college man, the consequences would unfortunately be really rough. A tough life lesson.

I am on the same page with all of you. I think childrent gain a sense of self worth and pride in working for all things, grades included. Sometimes the only way to teach a lesson, is to live it! We always supported our children. The easy way out was not an option in our house.

Peapod, you did a great job handling the situation. Maybe you have brought to light that these kind of rules ,need to be in writing!

 

[iwishiwasthere]

So far, my daughter hasn't been lucky enough to get a prof who would give her a break, regardless of how sick she might be. I have heard that the faculty at Davidson is outstanding in terms of being good teachers (as opposed to just good researchers) and that the advising system is excellent there. Unfortunately, my daughter wanted to be an architecture major and didn't apply there since Davidson doesn't have architecture. She applied to a few of the Ivys, MIT, and then Ga. Tech and Tulane were her safety schools.

Davidson is fair but demanding. Filled with caring, challengning educators that do not nuture the lazy or the unmotivated. The school is tough, but rewarding. My youngest is not sure what she wants to do, but I find comfort that in 4 years she will leave compassionate, articulate and well educated...she may have to go back to school for another degree, but she will live and so will I. It has taken me 4 years to be able to accept that not everyone knows what they want to do. I have decided the journey getting there is the best part. It seems most people on this board want their family memebers to do well and succeed. We all have different ways of achieveing that goal.

 

[Beach Runner]

Davidson is fair but demanding. ... not everyone knows what they want to do.

The Davidson recommendation came from a colleague at my college who does a lot of research and who has been on that campus frequently to confer with professors doing similar research. He just raved about the place.

Heck, even I still don't know if what I'm doing is what I want to be doing, so we'll just have to hang in there with our children.

A friend and I were talking about our generation versus today's generation of college kids. I can count on one hand the number of kids I knew in college who didn't graduate in 4 years, get a job, and behave like adults. This friend was upset because her daughter for whom she paid a boatload of money to send to Sewanee has graduated and is now selling ski equipment in Colorado. I have other friends who are upset because their children just dropped out of college to "find themselves." I know a lot of college kids who are definitely not on the four-year plan.

Even as goal-oriented as I was at that age, I settled on a major (math) not for any brilliant reason but because (a) my daddy loved math and he was so proud that I excelled at it, and (b) I hated writing papers and hated the moldy-book smell of libraries, and math majors didn't have to do that.

So I arrived where I am because of being Daddy's girl and not liking the smell of mold. LOL.

 

[ktschris]

Since we're venting....

I just got a letter from my kids school. It seems my 5 year old has 4 tardies this year. They just wanted me to be aware of that because on your 6th tardy, you are sent home for the day. And if you are ever tardy again (for the year) you are sent home. Now, I understand the importance of being on time, her tardies are like 30 seconds late. Not minutes, seconds!!! And she's five, it's not her fault she's 30 seconds late, it's mine!! BTW, I don't think a day off for any kid would really be a punishment!

 

[Miss Kitty]

Since we're venting....

I just got a letter from my kids school. It seems my 5 year old has 4 tardies this year. They just wanted me to be aware of that because on your 6th tardy, you are sent home for the day. And if you are ever tardy again (for the year) you are sent home. Now, I understand the importance of being on time, her tardies are like 30 seconds late. Not minutes, seconds!!! And she's five, it's not her fault she's 30 seconds late, it's mine!! BTW, I don't think a day off for any kid would really be a punishment!

Sounds like YOU need to go to the principal's office. I cannot understand sending a child home to miss school because of that.

 

[Kimmifunn]

You know Kimmifunn, our kids should learn this as well as adults who haven't (including me ;-) ). I'm thinking right now, we'd better find a time and way to talk to Jackie about this. Trouble is neither of us are very good in this area. Help!

I get it from my dad- I have no problem talking to people...But it's all in the business you go into. With what I do, it's all connections- and when you get in the business and into the world of what I do you have to stay. I found myself sitting in FL freaking out because I knew nobody in NY cared about what I was doing in FL. I had to get back for my work and what I do. My "break" was the best mistake I ever made. And I was lucky enough to be accepted back into the world of pr.

The magazine editors are all blue bloods and if you didn't marry into or were born to a certain family, you aren't going to get that position at Bazzar or Vogue. Which is fine. I just have to be their friend. But I'll tell you these girls didn't sit around hitting the books all day.

There is something to be said for real world experiences. If you stay holed up in school your entire life, it all passes you buy. That's just my 5 cents. Then I don't do brain surgery. Anyway, you can't wear cute shoes in surgery.

 

[Rita]

.........There is something to be said for real world experiences. If you stay holed up in school your entire life, it all passes you buy. That's just my 5 cents. Then I don't do brain surgery. Anyway, you can't wear cute shoes in surgery.

Real world experiences are most likely the best of education, but I will always encourage my daughter to work the best she can toward her potential through a variety of learning experiences. An ability to meet, greet, problem solve, and work well with people will serve a person well. Along with wearing those cute shoes!

I remember in Kindergarten when Jackie compared her "caterpillar life cycle" drawing to a little boy's (who struggled with a hearing disability and was assisted in their classroom) indicating that hers was better. He actually had done some of his best work that year on it. We helped her to understand that anybody who is working to their potential is the one doing the "best". Even at 6 years old, I think she understood.

 

[Mermaid]

Since we're venting....

I just got a letter from my kids school. It seems my 5 year old has 4 tardies this year. They just wanted me to be aware of that because on your 6th tardy, you are sent home for the day. And if you are ever tardy again (for the year) you are sent home. Now, I understand the importance of being on time, her tardies are like 30 seconds late. Not minutes, seconds!!! And she's five, it's not her fault she's 30 seconds late, it's mine!! BTW, I don't think a day off for any kid would really be a punishment!

You think that's bad?? This is what the junior high policy was at our kids' Catholic school: if they committed X number of infractions, it became a penalty. I can't even remember what the name of the penalty is because we're so far removed from grade school now. It's the one where you have to go to school outside of school hours and write a million times "I will not misbehave" or something like that. Usually it's AFTER school.

This is what a Catholic school does to you. If your kid has the penalty, he or she has to be at school at 7:30 am sharp, personally escorted there by the parent.

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I am wholeheartedly, emphatically, and irretriveably NOT a morning person. I had to bring my son to school ONCE at 7:30 am, and he never, ever, put me in the position of having to do it again.

It was no punishment for the kid, he didn't care, but man o man, it nearly killed me.