Should we read our kids' text messages?

[ShallowsNole]

I struggled with it too, until about 18 months ago - when my then 13-year-old son booted me off of his MySpace buddies list and informed me that he was sorry it had to come to this, but he wanted to be alone with his friends.

About this time, one of his best friends got involved with dope, and all the rest were dabbling in drinking. The grades dropped - not far, but they did drop. And, finally, along came the not-innocent girlfriend.

So yeah, I look. I don't snoop, I do surveillance. There is a difference. Again, the best way to keep a secret is don't write it down, don't take a picture, and don't tell anybody. But then I guess it just isn't any funn, if you are a teenager. :roll:

 

[TooFarTampa]

There are some great parents here. I always enjoy reading these threads, because as frightening as they may be, they always produce a lot of useful advice.

 

[seaside2]

Parents have a responsibility to raise children in a universally acceptable manner. If circumstances lead the parent to the conclusion that they need to read a text message, email, dairy, whatever, then they are compelled to do so. It comes out of love and a desire for what is ultimately the best for the kids. Parents are not friends to kids, they are parents. Very different relationship.

And while it has been a day or two since I was a kid, I distinctly remember not having very good judegement and being very emotionally involved in my own life (The he!! with everyone else) and needed someone to lead me through the mess.

Read the text messages as required. Kid doesn't like it? Tough. Take the cell phone away.

sounds harsh, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

[hnooe]

Parents have a responsibility to raise children in a universally acceptable manner. If circumstances lead the parent to the conclusion that they need to read a text message, email, dairy, whatever, then they are compelled to do so. It comes out of love and a desire for what is ultimately the best for the kids. Parents are not friends to kids, they are parents. Very different relationship.

And while it has been a day or two since I was a kid, I distinctly remember not having very good judegement and being very emotionally involved in my own life (The he!! with everyone else) and needed someone to lead me through the mess.

Read the text messages as required. Kid doesn't like it? Tough. Take the cell phone away.

sounds harsh, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

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Please clarify...what is a "universally acceptable manner" in which to raise children?

That logic sounds like the same ill begotten logic that President Bush is currently using on the American people (his administration is the parent in this case, and we are the children) to illegally wiretap telephone lines (yours and mine) in the name of "family security, and to do what his administration feels "is the best for the American people."


Instead of reading your kids text messages and "doing what you gotta do," I wish parents would spend real time with their children at the outset let them know what your expectations are, especially if you are paying for cell service, internet service, etc., and regardless of what their friends at school parents are doing. I know that the parents are as busy today, if not busier than the kids nowadays, but why cement the trust first verbally, and use reading text messaging only as a very last resort, if at all. I think they will respect you much more.

 

[seaside2]

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Please clarify...what is a "universally acceptable manner" in which to raise children?

That logic sounds like the same ill begotten logic that President Bush is currently using on the American people (his administration is the parent in this case, and we are the children) to illegally wiretap telephone lines (yours and mine) in the name of "family security, and to do what his administration feels "is the best for the American people."


Instead of reading your kids text messages and "doing what you gotta do," I wish parents would spend real time with their children at the outset let them know what your expectations are, especially if you are paying for cell service, internet service, etc., and regardless of what their friends at school parents are doing. I know that the parents are as busy today, if not busier than the kids nowadays, but why cement the trust first verbally, and use reading text messaging only as a very last resort, if at all. I think they will respect you much more.

Gosh, I was just trying to stay in the middle of the road here.

While I absolutely, positively agree with what you say about relationships with the kids coming first, my statement, if you can read my feeble mind was aimed at what I feel a parent should do WHEN WARRANTED.

Now, what that has to do with Bush and all that

 

[scooterbug44]

Generally the posts (as I am reading them) are not advocating reading messages except as a last resort when there are concerns or as part of an explicitly stated deal with their kids as a way to monitor their behavior.

As in most cases the parents are paying for the accounts they are monitoring and they are just dealing wth THEIR kids, I don't think it has major political implications. :roll:

 

[peapod1980]

No kidding. I'm stressing about this kind of stuff right now as a matter of fact. If my parents were snooping ON TOP of that, I would probably go crazy.

Very good point, Yucarenow.

Kase, this is not directed at you specifically, because you seem to be a great kid, but I would argue that there's nothing to stress about if there's nothing sketchy for parents to uncover.

 

[Rudyjohn]

Kase, this is not directed at you specifically, because you seem to be a great kid, but I would argue that there's nothing to stress about if there's nothing sketchy for parents to uncover.

I think she just means stress in general. Why add to the day to day stress while having parents snoop & probe through your life, not that there's anything they would find.

Compared to my teen years, my son is almost a perfect kid (which of course he is not). But if I added to his daily stress of meeting high expectations, competitive GPA's, college search, and ALL the rest of life, he'd be a total basket case - even if he wasn't doing anything sketchy. (I think that's what Kase means.)

 

[Kase626]

I think she just means stress in general. Why add to the day to day stress while having parents snoop & probe through your life, not that there's anything they would find.

Compared to my teen years, my son is almost a perfect kid (which of course he is not). But if I added to his daily stress of meeting high expectations, competitive GPA's, college search, and ALL the rest of life, he'd be a total basket case - even if he wasn't doing anything sketchy. (I think that's what Kase means.)

That is exactly what I meant, JohnRudy. Sorry if I was a bit vague, Peapod.

 

[bluemtnrunner]

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Instead of reading your kids text messages and "doing what you gotta do," I wish parents would spend real time with their children at the outset let them know what your expectations are, especially if you are paying for cell service, internet service, etc., and regardless of what their friends at school parents are doing. I know that the parents are as busy today, if not busier than the kids nowadays, but why cement the trust first verbally, and use reading text messaging only as a very last resort, if at all. I think they will respect you much more.

I think the fact that my daughter and I had already discussed that I would look in if I thought something was going on is the reason that she is not upset over this. I am thankful for all of the conversations we have had over the past 18 years that made our relationship strong enough for her to see my logic. (Two years ago she was in a much different frame of mind and this would have been much different)
The guy has now deleted his post (the one I began this thread with) from his facebook and has asked that I do the same. The mutual friends that he shares with my daughter are not speaking to him because of his noisy fit. They wonder what he will do when angered in the future. Perhaps my fears were well founded.